The Other side

I find you

In the shower

Head arched

Eyes closed

Standing firm

Allowing the water

Wash off your stress.

I find you

Eyes staring into

The TV

But not watching anything.

I find you absorbed

In your work

Attempting to find

An escape from the thoughts

That keeps haunting you.

I find you

Hushed and lackadaisical

And I wish to

Make you smile

Absolve you

From the burden

To make you

Experience life again.

I find you

Going through the anguish

But not much that I can do

Except wait for the tide

To pass.

I find you

And I see in your eyes

Myself

Experiencing everything

That you are.

I see that

I am you

And you are me.

When I look back

Yesterday it was there

Now it is gone

Yesterday they were all good

Today they are not!

Maybe

They changed

Or maybe

I did!

I may have become

Judgmental now

Or I may not

Have cared before!

It’s all a matter of time

It’s all a matter of some years

But when I look back at it

I see no regrets!

There were times I cherished

There were times I cared for

But those times are gone

And I am glad they did!

I have gotten over it

Never thought I would 

I feel much lighter now

I no more feel for it!

Some hellos 

And some goodbyes.. 

Its all a part of life

That's what they say about it!

People change

So does time...

Yesterday we were friends

Now just acquaintances!

My freedom!

I feel free

from the world

from people around

from everyone

I feel free

from the senses

from the mind

from the heart

from the thoughts

I feel free

from stress

from disguise

from pride

from the ego

I feel free

from love

from hatred

from kindness

from selfishness

I feel free

from the values

from conscience

from morals

from ethics

I feel free

from the system

from the order

from the rules

from the monotony

I feel free

from the desires

from the urge

from the need

from the wants

and so

I feel life

I feel freedom

I feel it inside me!

Go beyond!

Go beyond

The expectations

Anticipations

Judgements

Apprehensions  

Confinements.

Go beyond

The limits

Wishes

Needs

Demands

Dreams.

Go beyond

The aspirations

Job

Tensions

Love for money

Go beyond

The competitiveness

Hoopla

Disappointments

Trouble

Annoyance.

Go beyond

The organized

Procedure

Plans

Rat race

Stereotype.

Go beyond

The  customs

Traditions

Rites

Guilty conscience

Compunction.

Go beyond

Your body.

Personify

 A channel of consciousness

With thoughts

And views

That break away

And rise.

Go beyond

Just for a day

And experience

Life.

When words fail you

Silence.
When you
Don’t have words
To tell someone
How much
They mean to you.

Silence.
When you don’t have
The right words to say it
Or you know
They will do more
Damage
Than good.

Silence.
When you
Choose not to say
Anymore.

Silence.
When you’re
Deeply Hurt than
Angry
And all you want
Is to Get back
At them.

Silence.
When you want
To contemplate;
Or thwarted;
Or when you’re
Just
Overwhelmed.

Silence.
In sorrow;
In discompose;
In isolation;
In fear;
Or In a princely
Bath tub.

Silence.
In failure;
Or when the landscape
Is so beautiful
That it takes
Your breath away.

Silence.
The thing that you
You desire
And however want to
Escape away from.

Silence.
The offset
Of relationships
And in some cases
The end.

Through my eyes

Come with me

Walk beside me

Hold me up

And I shall show you

The world from my eyes

Together we

Appreciate exquisiteness

Of our being.

Come with me

Walk beside me

And we shall

Unwind for a while

Share and listen

Pause to reflect

Reminisce and admire.

Walk beside me

Hold me up

So I can make you

the world around me.

I miss those days

Ah! I miss those days
when I could
put a cannister
on my head
and act as
a space cadet.

Ah! I miss those days
when I could
have a belly laugh
and roll on the floor
whenever I want to.

Ah! I miss those days
when dewdrops
charged me up,
Moon (Chanda mama) bewitched me
and when a
fountain was all
I wanted to
make my life perfect.

Ah! I miss those days
when everyday was
new for me
when I didn’t know
what future was
but all I believed
is that
it would be
bright like today.

Ah! I miss those days
when I unrestrainedly
embraced
and kissed
those who made me
feel good.

Ah! I miss those days
when the losing a toy car
was the biggest loss
of my life
and getting a new one
my greatest victory.

Ah! I miss those days
when I could laugh, yell
and outcry promiscuously
when I could
emote with
uttermost passion

Ah! I miss those days
when I could
get up, dust it off
and continue
with the same
exuberance.

Ah! I miss those days
when I didn’t know
the meaning
of politics, aim
aspiration, purpose
or envy.

Ah! I miss those days
when my existence
was uncomplicated,
my necessities basic,
my wants
restricted to candies
and a ride
on a toy trolley.

Ah! I miss those days
when I was
really, actually
content.
When I experienced
the happiness
and didn’t just
read about it.

Ah! I miss those days
when I was free.

More than just lighting it up!

I breathe you in 

Suspire you...

Those giddy spins

swirl in the air

 I suck you

Deep into me

 As if a nicotine desire

or herbal withdrawal

I suck you 

with rabidity...

You are

My daftness and my 

Adrenaline, embodied

I breathe you in...

take you in so deeply

that you became 

My scent...

My wind...

You turn into

The sweet lullaby

That runs through my head 

And echoes

Its pleasant chorus.

I breathe you in

Like a delicate wine 

and feel

Myself sigh 

and quiver…

From the dizziness of

The high.

I Breathe you in 

With both, prurient

and saintly

inspirations. 

I feel my

blood cells race

and Stiffen

And flow with 

the flitter of

unseen butterflies, as I

ideate gardens of

earthborn joys. 

True that I breathe you in

Like carbon monoxide

Not aware if

Your aroma

will arouse or kill

Slowly. I breathe you

Into me...

give you a role in my

Blood flow's story 

And so I 

Si-i-i-i-i-iigh  

till you sting

A cigarette… 

that skids through my arteries

giving me wings to

The High of Heaven. 

Replying to The High… 

Resonating to The High

Smiling to The High

While I dance at the bottom

Every time, I cease my sight

To slowly 

Deeply 

Breathe 

You

In…

I am one of you

I may be socially impaired
I may not  respond to you
I may not even smile back at you
But I am still one of you

I may not look the same like you

I may think and act differently

I may be lost in my own world

But I am still one of you

I may show unusual gestures
I may have different vocal patterns
You may call me language impaired
But I am still one of you

I may behave abruptly
I may injure myself sometimes
I may act a little insistent
But I am still one of you

I may not be able to concentrate

I may lack interest in things you like

I may typecast behavior frequently

But I am still one of you

I may not become as big as dad
or I may not make my way out
I may even die trying to get up
But I am still one of you

This may be a lifeless life
A flightless existence you may call it
A little attention is all I need
and then I can be one of you...!

Can't we do our bit to help people dealing with autism? Cant we help them finding their ways out?
Help them figure out their wings. They surely will fly!

Blah

I feel

unimaginative

Exhausted

Hitch in the brain

and exploited.

 

creativity’s sayonara

credibly steered to

some other 

locale

I  feel corny

fatigued

destitute of

any good ideas

or sensibilities

no self-contemplation

or extroversion

I feel groggy

while my body is active

my head put

to rest

calms itself into

a dream-like state

I feel uninspired

old hat

fatigued (did I say that again?)

draggy

No more

 excited

by anything around

I feel numb

bland

and bored

I feel dispirited

I’m just feeling

blah.

 

I had a home...

Once

I had a home

just like you…

a spouse

kids

and a family

 to care for.

Once

I had a home

where we celebrated

birthdays

anniversaries

dinners

and Diwali.

Once

I had a home

that kept us

from Nature

A space

we called our own.

Once

I had a home

Not only the walls

but an adoring

fostering space.

Once

I had a home

and I had

my stories to share

a life to look

forward to.

Once

I had a home 

just like yours…

There are millions of people who were like you and me at some point of their lives, forced onto the streets because of poverty, mental disorders, lack of employment opportunities, war, and lack of affordable housing. These were people with regular lives, a name, a family, an identity. Now they just roam about the streets with no name and identity  with a bag full of memories.

Imperfect Me

I love

procrastinating things

even if they are

a piece of cake

And I can argue

until the moon

goes to bed.

I hate doing

laundry

and I am

never interested in

keeping

my things organized.

I am judgmental

and opinionated

and you've seen

me being a

back seat driver

sometimes.

I love my own

privacy

and want you

too to enjoy that.

I am ambitious

and have a strong

sense of dignity.

I may not

be lady-like

in poses

and idiosyncrasies.

I nag at times

And love to complain.

I am obsessed

with planning

and usually have

alternate plans

ready

in case

some plan fails.

I am sometimes

egoistic

and clingy

at the

same time.

I hate

losing my games

and may not mind

cheating.

I am not patient

or wise

and I may play

a loser sometimes.

I keep grudges

and it's always tough

for me

to let it go

even when I know

I should.

I am strongly opinionated

and will not

like being treated

with the perks

that comes with

"being a woman."

I am always

confused

about where

I want to be

and what

I want to do.

I lie at times

When I think it's a

fair thing

and also sometimes

because it gets "easier".

I give justification

 for small things

where it doesn't call for

but still I have the

urge to.

I acknowledge

my "flaws"

and know that

perfection is

a misconception

a mirage

a unrealizable

paragon.

It doesn't mean

I don't try to

be a better person,

more liberal

less critical

more welcoming

less malign.

I never said

that I wont try

to improve

upon my shortcomings.

All it means

is agnizing

that perfection

isn't the criterion

by which

we judge

ourselves or

others.

I may not be perfect.

But my flaws

make me the

unparalleled person

I am.

They make me

real me

and not the one

I want to be

I am not perfect.

Are you?

Life's Beauty Revealed

A wood pecker on a tree;

A spider’s web; a humming bee;

Flocks of birds surging high;

How the seasons say good-bye;

The rising sun in the east,

How eagle snaffles its feast;

The full moon when slowly wanes,

The smell of the earth when it rains;

Stars that shine all through the dark ;

Snails crawling around in a park ;

A kitty’s whir; a sparrow’s chirp;

Ever heard the mice slurp?

Butterflies wooing the flowers;

Cows jawing the wad for hours;

The whickering of a grazing horse;

Walls covered by a carpet of moss;

An ant stocking a grain of wheat,

Droplets sparkling like little beads;

Water that makes its own course;

A rabbit jerking its pink nose;

Wind blowing away the pollen;

Ever noticed the rabbit warren?

Man walks on the road of strife,

For him, work is life!

But stay for a moment to look around

the treasure of beauty… Oh! See around!

And you’ll cherish these moments for a long time,

These gifts of nature are the prime.

The work may be devastatingly absorbing,

But, these are the things that make our lives worth living!

My perspective

Although it may seem, a lot of times, that there is nothing new to add to something,  I think each of us bring a new perspective, new persuasion, new theme from a unique viewpoint.

I’ve wondered many times why anyone would want to read what I have to say – after all, it’s all been catalogued before by someone more learned, someone who’s proficient on the topic or has researched similar topic in depth, someone who has more wisdom and experience. And all this “better” content is reachable to anyone who wants to Google it.

So, why then, do readers visit this blog? Why do I spend my time and energy writing whatever comes to my mind? And I have reached the conclusion that it’s because I have something meaningful to add. Maybe the central idea has already been presented before, but I bring in my unique perspective.

The person I am today is a sum total of my experiences and that started from my birth itself. If I wasn’t born to middle-class parents; if I wasn’t their pampered child; if they hadn’t sent me to one of the best schools in the city; if I wasn’t encouraged and supported to believe in myself – the scenarios are endless. Every step of this way, I have had experiences, got opportunities, formed relationships that helped me evolve as an individual and shape a certain vantage point. That is what I share with you.

I, therefore, have something to add to what has already been said.

My own words “matter” because they’re pertinent, they present a different take that is mine, and a lot of “average” people can relate with them.
These aren’t just echoes in a shriveling chamber — this is my original voice in a fast-expanding, interconnected, heterogeneous online world.
I have a story to tell that no one, other than me, can tell.

Longing for tomorrow....!

An entire day passed by
in a windstorm of activity.
Projects, phone calls, e-mails,
conversations and IMs.
Non-stop exchange of information.
Reactions. Joyfulness. Emotions.
Call for a pause button deepens .
No respite from the craziness.

As I splatter my face with water
I close my eyes and let my mind wander.
The chirping sparrow reappears.
And flocks of bird surge high

As I scrub my face,
It brushes of the tiredness.
The assignments. The deadlines. The pressure.
Into the passage they sink.
Disappearing like rings of smoke..

I then look at myself.
A streak of red
Brightening the tired kohl eyes.
A tingling smile.
That Today is over.
Tomorrow will be another day.

Return

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

I love spending a lot of time with toddlers because it allows me to experience unabridged, unsophisticated, unrestrained joy. Their playful eyes and their creaks of glee reminds me of all I have lost in my journey.

They are right at the precipice of knowing things — the kind that we can understand — but despite their verbal “handicap”, they’re pretty good at communicating. They go around in circles when they are happy, cry when in pain or when they seek attention or to get things their way and squeal when in surprise.

They live for the moment.

It’s almost like attending a free therapy when I’m with these kids. They know how to live their life king size. And they offer their “wisdom” to anyone willing to share. 

Raising them is no easy task. It’s difficult to gaze in admiration when you’re cleaning poop. But as an outsider, I am thankful. They teach me to have an open mind that anything is possible to be free; to ask question; to get amazed at the simplest of the things; and most importantly, to be me.

They help me peel away the layers of worldliness, knowledge, and debonair and enjoy the rawness of the human spirit.

To experience happiness in its purest form.

To feel filled within.

I’ll probably feel a speck of sadness when these children grow up with time, but for now I shall  make the most of their wonder years and enjoy my return to the age of innocence.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Hyderabad to me...

Well, I am in South India. Not for the first time though, but definitely the first time for more than 2 weeks and with another year and a half lined up. 
So this is it, Welcome to Hyderabad!

With my upbringing in Delhi, I have had quite an assortment of food! But since 15 days, my every meal at the mess includes Rasam or Sambhar! 

Food the way I’ve never seen before
Vegetables that I don’t identify
Curry leaves in everything
Rasam everywhere
No ‘daal’ in the daal
LONG queue for bath and longer for lunch

To top it all, Long hours of classes! Wait... I asked for college life, not school life!
 My life is suddenly going into a routine! What's happening? Waking up at 8 in the morning is the only sad part of my stay so far. I can still manage with the food but not sleep :P
The TV doesn't have a remote. Common..Who can enjoy TV without a remote. If you want to change, You need to get up and change the channel. So it keeps on playing telegu stuff and I don’t even cross that corridor. 
My room-mate’s possibly the best I could ever have! She is my best friend, so it’s like having someone from back-home live with me :-) 
Very few guys in the college(Hot guys are scarce) but I made some good amount of friends.So, life doesn’t actually suck :P Its actually cool to live at the hostel. Its so much fun here. You stay in a party mood 24*7 staying at the hostel. 


Hyderabad's language is funny. I’m not talking about telegu, any south Indian language is the same for me; Here, I talk about the hyderabadi hindi :-| Oh, you’ve gotta hear it to know what I’m talking about. Sometimes, I feel that I don't even know Hindi for that matter.

Ok. This is different from the place I grew up.
Very different.... actually!
But I am sure that life has a lot in store for me here

I liked the faculty though. Classes get boring because I don't sleep well at night ;)
Even seniors have been good so far. 
Ahem. So well, you get the hang of it, don’t you? 
Somethings suck big time here but then the amount of fun I am having can compensate for that. I am loving every part of it here. And surprisingly, I don't miss Delhi :)

I will not be able to write often now.Nift is keeping me alot busier. It's gets a little difficult to sit and write something with such amount of activity going around you. 

Hyderabad Calling...

And I am answering the call.

I never thought I would feel this way. Rounds and rounds of shopping done, lists made, planned and re-planned everything, empty shelves, bags packed,  clean room and my heart - filled with vacuum.

Amusingly, Most my bags are filled with "Blue" color. I don't know why I choose that color each time I shop. When someone asks me for my favorite color, I say "Black" or even "White" or "depends" but still I choose blue when given a choice!
And right now, I am Blue!

Cried like a baby when my mother talked about being an independent girl and taking care of myself in Hyderabad. I always wanted this life but my empty room makes me feel so depressed. Writing this post is another atrocious experience.

All final preparations have been done, Last calls from best friends and last messages from cousins have been wrapped up. But how should I wrap up this empty feeling?

Like I am running away from my responsibilities, Like I am losing something very near to me, Like I am being self centered and pursuing my dreams on cost of my duties. Duties of being my parent's kid, of being a friend, of being there for people who have always been there for me, of being a shoulder to cry on when mum had something to share!!
I love my mom, grandmother, my dad n even "my brother"!!

Why can't I stay at home? Why am I so aspirational?  Why can't I make a future in the city where I was born? Why am I doing this.... to myself and my near ones? Why is it so important to constantly keep running?

Anyways, my priorities are set, the choices are made, and I made them.
My parents supported me through out with this and I just can't thank them enough for believing me and my dreams. My mom has always been my support system and somewhere I want to live upto her expectations , thus the chase... thus the burning desire to be the best! I don't know how crucial this move is in to shape my future, how much I will be able 2 achieve out of it, how much worth it is of all the sacrifice..

All I know is, its now or never.
And I don't want to regret later for the choices I made.
Its not easy, well nothing is!
And I am going to give it my best shot.

So, adios to everyone! I may be busy there but gimme a call whenever you want to! I'll always be there!
Love You Guys!!

P.S: I'll especially miss you: Neha ! the long conversations on phone, the shopping, the coffee n the couches, your advice, n everything!!  I'll miss them all! Please stay in touch!! Love you...

Who cares?!

This morning, a woman in a blue Ford suddenly came in the lane of black punto. He shifted his lane to avoid the crash and came into bicycler's lane. Thankfully, there wasnt any bicycler there! Otherwise, he would have died.

And then, lots of tooting followed. 

When I saw the lady in the blue car, I noticed that she was on the phone and also, with "HT Food guide" on her steering wheel and it looked like that she doesn't know where she was going. The guy in the black car consequently rolled down his window and started abusing . 

It wasn't a new thing to see in a place like Delhi, but the reason that I write about this today is precisely that — it has become commonplace.

During my daily commute, I see drivers blaring, showing the middle finger, changing lanes perilously and running over people walking.

And then there are people who keep messaging, attending calls, applying kajal and lip gloss, watching a DVD (yes, I’ve seen that!!), reading the newspaper, painting their nails, eating and turning around to feed their babies at the back — these are the people who are the reason for such disorder. We have the laws to ensure that such things dont happen. But who cares?

It amazes me to see how people forget that they are not only responsible for their families travelling with them but also everyone else whose travelling on road.

And it’s not until they meet an accident that they realize such deportment. But isn't it too late then?

What do they gain from those extra ten seconds? How do they agree to put their lives in danger just to make in that green signal? How can they be so uncivil, so unkind? Why can’t they stop somewhere to finish their lunch and then move on — all it will take is five minutes! Can’t that lip gloss be postponed till they reach the parking lot of wherever they are headed? Can’t they tell the person on the phone to call back later? 

As per WHO, it’s estimated that 1.2 million people die on world’s roads every year and about 50 million are injured. The road safety record of India is abysmal - every year, more than 1,00,000 lives are lost in road accidents. In addition, this also results in disruption and huge economic, social losses. 

I cant find any explanation for such utter disregard of life, but I hope some of you reading this will recognize this as an opportunity to amend your ways and ask those unsafe drivers in your life to amend theirs..

Is Indian Media - Misusing Its Freedom?

This post is my entry for the Blogadda contest on the topic "Is Indian Media - Misusing Its Freedom?"
In association with Pringoo - 


http://www.pringoo.com/custom-designs/Soccer~South~A-Soccer/did-25999/mid-1/ppid-496


News? It’s such a jape these days.

There was a time when media was very influential and enhanced critical thinking and analysis for general public. It was the time when reporters did serious journalism and brought up "issues of significance".

It was the time when the badges of journalist were worn with pride.

But now, with the news channels broadcasting 24/7, they have started broadcasting" anything" their news cycle. Not only has the idea of what constitutes news changed but also the way people look at it changed.

I recently watched Halla Bol, a Hindi movie digging into the connection between news and sensationalism. What they impersonated was very similar to what we’re barraged with in the name of news, day and night.

This morning, I was skipping channels when I again noticed this news on a news channel:


It was regarding the cricketer's Dhoni wedding. It was on for almost 10 days now and I still cant figure out the hoopla! Why am I supposed to know the bride? And details of their vacation together? Why cant reporters get a life!

Is this what we’re reducing “news” to?
Striking visuals and beside the point stories — to entertain but not educate.

Whenever I ask this from an elder, I am told that it is viewer's choice!

Is it?

Is this kind of blunder acceptable instead of the problems that really need to be looked into? Have we given it up to the media for telling us what the news should be?
If not, why don’t we articulate our repulse?

Or, are we viewing TV just for entertainment sake making an assumption that real news can be read in the newspapers too?

Media is supposed to be a reflection of  the society  but is this what we have become? 

Now, don’t go for tweeting this.
It might just show up on a news channel!