Imperfect Me

I love

procrastinating things

even if they are

a piece of cake

And I can argue

until the moon

goes to bed.

I hate doing

laundry

and I am

never interested in

keeping

my things organized.

I am judgmental

and opinionated

and you've seen

me being a

back seat driver

sometimes.

I love my own

privacy

and want you

too to enjoy that.

I am ambitious

and have a strong

sense of dignity.

I may not

be lady-like

in poses

and idiosyncrasies.

I nag at times

And love to complain.

I am obsessed

with planning

and usually have

alternate plans

ready

in case

some plan fails.

I am sometimes

egoistic

and clingy

at the

same time.

I hate

losing my games

and may not mind

cheating.

I am not patient

or wise

and I may play

a loser sometimes.

I keep grudges

and it's always tough

for me

to let it go

even when I know

I should.

I am strongly opinionated

and will not

like being treated

with the perks

that comes with

"being a woman."

I am always

confused

about where

I want to be

and what

I want to do.

I lie at times

When I think it's a

fair thing

and also sometimes

because it gets "easier".

I give justification

 for small things

where it doesn't call for

but still I have the

urge to.

I acknowledge

my "flaws"

and know that

perfection is

a misconception

a mirage

a unrealizable

paragon.

It doesn't mean

I don't try to

be a better person,

more liberal

less critical

more welcoming

less malign.

I never said

that I wont try

to improve

upon my shortcomings.

All it means

is agnizing

that perfection

isn't the criterion

by which

we judge

ourselves or

others.

I may not be perfect.

But my flaws

make me the

unparalleled person

I am.

They make me

real me

and not the one

I want to be

I am not perfect.

Are you?

Sleepless nights...

As 8th July, 2010 comes near, it creeps deep into me.... the FEAR! I don't know why? Its a strange feeling I have got. I have got through NIFT Masters of Fashion Management and on 8th July, I have my counselling. I will be alloted a centre on that day. I always wanted Bombay or Bangalore as my choice of centre and now when its completely in the hands of God, I am worried. Now that I dont believe Him but because I am asking for such alot of things together.

I researched about both the centres and every time, I come up to a different conclusion. I cant figure out which one is the right better option for me. I have now completely left it to the God but still it scares hell out of me.. I don't know why!

Another aspect of the story is that I have got my best friend from school  been admitted to the same course. Initially, I never thought that we could stay together in our post graduation but now when I know that our ranks are so close, I have the "greed" to stay together. I may not be admitting that to my family or any of the friends but I want to stay with her and I am praying hard for that. I want both of us to get the same city: Bombay or Bangalore! I am neutral among the choices as far as we stay together. I never thought that I would exploit my options because of a friend but I can't help it. I will do everything to be with her for the next two years of my life. I have been sleepless since nights due to this. I find it a little silly to take this here but I need to get it out of me as soon as possible.

I hope 8th July will hit soon and  we both get the same city. I don't  really care if I get Bombay or  Bangalore! I know the city(as long as it is Bombay or Bangalore) wont make a difference to the career I have always aspired for!

P.S. Its a completely random post throwing alot that has been inside me since a month.

The objective of my education....

I am on the verge of completing my B. Com(Hons) degree. Some folks feel proud about me. But I feel awful. This degree is merely a piece of paper. A paper which I cannot even sell it to the local radiwala.
So I decided to reflect back at my past. Because I wanted the reasons. The reasons were obvious. My education system was just wasn't good enough. I was trained to by heart things like a parrot. Even if I tried and went through the concepts, It was always from examination point of view. Maybe we all did the same. The history was too localized only on India(compare this to America where they are taught about teachings of Mahatma Gandhi) at a very young age. Also, what I could see was that the education system does not work on the practical aspects at all! But I will be wrong to blame the system!

No matter what my education system was but I just never questioned it. I just studied gravity, and took it for granted... No matter how many apples or bananas fell from the tree, it didn't affect me. I had an open mind, but no application. Knowledge becomes wisdom only when you use it.

People who have been to IITs and IIMs say to others who haven't been to these premier institutions, you haven't been properly trained. What they teach at an IIT or an IIM is simple, think logically and do the basic things right. Also, They are trained at practical work and actual work situations!
I am no Copernicus to give the world Heliocentrism, but I finally realized without the slightest doubt in my mind that as Robert M. Hutchin puts it,

“The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives.”

Graduate!!

Soon I'll be a graduate...

I am contented but I am not happy!

I never realised that I love my college friends so much!  It seriously feels bad to let them go! Not all of my college days were fun-filled but the third year was "the best". It is just not sinking in…...

10th of March, 2010 was my last day of classes. I did not want to be late for this day. I woke up early and got ready as if it was my first day at college. I could feel butterflies in my stomach! Yes... I never wanted it to end... 

The assignments, 8:40 classes, projects, teachers... They never lured me to come to the college. But there was something that kept me going.  Friends!! They shed tears for me,shout at me,hit me,kick me,kiss me,molest me, make me feel good! I Love them... Love the truly!

So the day being the last day of classes, we celebrated "scribble day" wherein we wrote goodbye messages at each other's t-shirts. Yes.... It hurts! Every message I wrote provoked me to shed some tears. Thankfully, I managed not to cry. The class was full of activity. Everyone was busy saying goodbye, scribbling on t-shirts, singing, dancing and  playing around! No one cared for anything. No classes... No assignments... No pressures!! It was one of those perfect days!

And then came the FAREWELL....
It was touchy! I could feel it ending!! Yes... The end of the college days!! It hurts badly!! I never expected that I would feel so bad!! But I do!! Farewell party was awesome... Everything I could expect for!! And at the end, We were all up on the stage singing to the tunes of Purani jeans! I could feel my goosebumps... That was a moment when I could sense something in my eyes!! Alas! They were tears! I really wanted to shed those but I stopped myself! On a happy note. you guys made my day. Thank you :)

I am always gonna treasure those moments! The shopping... the parties.. the movies... bunking classes... canteen debates and discussions... crazy hugs... short attendance.. pet room... copying assignments... photo sessions.. missed tests... crackpot jokes! I am gonna miss you guys!!

This is the song which will always remind me of you guys...

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25

I keep thinking times will never change

Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year we won't be coming back

No more hanging out cause we're on a different track

And if you got something that you need to say

You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down

These memories are playing like a film without sound

And I keep thinking of that night in June

I didn't know much of love

But it came too soon

And there was me and you

And then we got real blue

Stay at home talking on the telephone

We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared

Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair

And this is how it feels

As we go on

We remember

All the times we

Had together

And as our lives change

Come Whatever

We will still be

Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs

And we make the big money

When we look back now

Will our jokes still be funny?................

Mixed feelings sinking in... I have no clue about our next session of life, But I would be missing a lot of good friends and some real Different Chaps (Lol..)!!

A splendiferous dream...

... and there he was. He slid next to me on the couch, wrap his arm around my waist and hugged me in an embrace. I could smell the whiff of his scent, a mix of sweat and cologne. It was so real I gasped, giggled and woke up.

A strange but beautiful dream. I want to go back to sleep now...

Endless questions...

Suddenly I am asking myself this question because it is that time of my life again.

That time when everybody has to decide what do they really want to do in life, where do they really want to go n blah blah blah.

Why can't I continue to live my life carelessly?
Why do I have to announce to the world what is it that I would like to do for the rest of my life?
Why can't I love one thing today and love another thing tomorrow?
Why do I have to be passionate about some thing today and love it forever and establish myself in one place?
Why do i need to do something for a long time before I start making some real money doing that thing?
Why haven't I found that one thing in life I would always want to hold on to?
How come clarity is an absolutely inexperienced phenomenon in my life?
Why my gameplan never works for me??
Why do I change and so fast?
Should I really go ahead and pursue something else which I think I want to do now?
Do I really want to do what I think I want to do?

Yes I know all the gyan already. You can still bring it on...its nice to see my questions move some people enough to give them the energy to leave me some comments.

Bura na mano.. holi hai!!

I was headed out of my colony to the market and was discussing something intently with my friend when suddenly we hear a PHAT!! And another PHAT!!! And realized a couple of water balloons had been aimed by the kid next door. My friend's light grey top were splattered with coloured water. The kid immediately ran inside his house. We went and rang the door bell. Noone opened the door but his father came to the balcony and asked us what happened. So we told him that his son was throwing water balloons and it had narrowly missed us. And all he had to say was “Bura na mano holi hai. Yeh to hota hi hai. bachche to khelenge hi.”I asked him if I could slap him and get away with “Bura na mano holi hai”. He had nothing to say for that. I asked him what if his son threw a balloon on someone who is driving a car or riding a two-wheeler and caused an accident. His son isn’t a little kid anymore but is old enough to now understand this. We had to leave then because we were getting late.

I have also played holi as a kid and I still play. But it is only in my colony that I have seen people throwing balloons randomly at strangers and passers-by. I fail to understand what is the fun in this. I was a pretty naughty kid myself but had the sense not to throw it at random people. The one and only time I did something like this, it landed on my dad’s friend who was in his white shirt. I was lucky it only had water in it and not coloured water. My parents however, were anything but amused. I have seen kids here throw it on the delivery boys on their 2 wheelers or at drivers (including a few on a bus driver who was driving at that time) which can cause a serious accident. Don’t their parents ever think of that?

I don’t mean to be the criticize Holi but I don’t understand why it cannot b restricted to friends and families and not the passers by. I still don’t think that Holi gives anyone the license to misbehave. So people better celebrate Holi with their friends and family and not with the people who dont want to be a part of it!

Balance...

A lot of us complain of being in the middle. Having to multitask and having too many options to choose from, too much work and the desire to do none of it. The act of maintaining the equilibrium is a part of the human nature, and that how it should be. Observation leads to realization, which in turn evokes understanding. Thus, to understand your-own-self, one needs to observe their traits and how knowingly or un-knowingly they perform that balancing act.

Too much of everything is not good. Yes, it is a generalization, but if we extrapolate it to everything we do, it sure is relevant. Reminding myself of this line constantly helps me restrict my preferences.

Similarly, Too little of anything is never enough. Both these statements sound like they are poles apart, but in the deeper sense, they mean the very same; we just need to know when to stop, how to strike that balance. The key to frictionless survival is, yes, that balancing act.

Activities that usually tend to lose that balance.

Friends
Having too many friends might work for certain people, but somewhere don’t we tend to side-line the people who are really important to us? We are expected to trust so many more people, confide to all of them, update them with regular happenings of our life; just coz they do!!! It sure is complicated, and a little assistance never hurts, why you think the social networking sites are such a boom! Then having too little friends leaves us with practically no options and not too many people to share our opinions with. The only way out of this is,
Strike that balance.

Friendliness
Especially, when we meet some-one new; when we have no idea how to behave to neither be unfriendly, nor over-friendly. We meet endless “doods” who are way too annoying, call you “sweetheart” in the very first talk or crack such pathetic PJs that a tight slap would be the ideal reply. Then there is the other extreme, guys who are more interested in their toe-nails than in the conversation you are trying to make. Either they over-do the whole thing by hugging all possible people around, or end up sipping the epicenter of all their attention, their coffee! We either have to deal with it or
Strike that balance.

Food
Too much, :- ; too little :-
Then the balance between the constituents of the diet is another concept altogether. “Balanced diet”, is a cliché, and very correctly too! Yes, here a lot of us need to know before we try and
Strike that balance.

Faith (on god)
I am not saying that atheism or hard-core bhakti is wrong. Suit your own faith, but questioning the existence of god to the believer or expecting the almighty to be on our guard 24x7 is not done. Everyone has their own beliefs, sometimes depending on the way they are brought up. I belong to the class of people who believe in god and secretly want him to solve all problems. God helps me be carefree, gives me hope. It helps me because I think somewhere I manage to
Strike that balance.

Freedom
Be free, but not on anybody else’s cost. Express to be heard, not hurt. I strongly believe that freedom of thoughts is more crucial than freedom of speech, but then what is the use of having free thoughts if they are not expressed? A lot of thought has to be given to this before execution, thought that would probably help us to
Strike that balance

Blind Trust
Trust the trustworthy, but to what extent? We do need to analyze every situation and act accordingly, we need to
Strike that balance.

Talking
Too little gets us bottled, to much makes us talk non-sense. To voice opinions and also let others around you remain sane,
Strike that balance.

Smoking
I have nothing against them, smokers. But this one goes out to all human chimneys, please try and keep things in moderation, for your own good. Please
Strike that balance.

Competition
If it is healthy, all is good. But playing dirty games, trying to push the competitors down are matters that we dealt with in standard 4! And when it is not deserved, what good is that victory for? The call of the day is to
Strike that balance.

Luxuries
Need I say anything? Oh yea,
Strike that balance.

P.S. Nature has its own ways of balancing things, of getting even with man. But this is not what this post is about. General bachche ka general gyan showing off hai people! :-P

the tags!

Someone tagged me for this one and by far, its one of the most fun tags I have seen on blogs.

I used my iPod, have been honest throughout *swear* . Had a laughter riot while doing it, hope some of it reaches to you guys.

Here I go.......
The rules:

1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!

After you've answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they've been tagged.
# IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
I say ; The best damn thing- avril lavigne [Wow!]

# WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
It would be ; Lost- anouk[???]

# WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL ?
I like ; Emotional attyachar- Dev D [Lmao!]

# HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I feel ; Numb-Linking Park. [:-/]

# WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
It is ; Rockstar- Nickelback - [How I wish! Well, keeping jokes apart, please check this song out if you haven't already. Features in my top-ten 'priceless' list :-)]

# WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
They think ; Tum ho to-Rock on! [Awwww, simply love you guys! Lol..]

# WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
I think ; Witchy woman-Eagles. [LOL! No no, I love them both.]

# WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I think ; How you remind me- Nickelback. [nevermind!]

# WHAT IS 2+2?
It is -> Tinka tinka-Karm. [lol! This made me literally roll on the floor laughing! Of the 500 odd songs, why this?]

# WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I think; You’r beautiful- James Blunt. [Haila!]

# WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I think ; Push-Enrique [Lmao!]

# WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
It is ; Zombie-Cranberries [:-) , Love the song!

# WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
I want to be ; Never gonna be alone- Nickelback [Oops!]

# WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I would think ; Hero - Mariah Carey. [:-D sure!!]

# WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
They think; Mistake- Nickelback. [:P]

#WAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
I would dance to ; Jame Raho - Taare Zameen Par. [God! ]

# WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
They will play ; Bubbly- Colbie Caillat. [Man! this just made my day! :-)]

# WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
My interest is ; Payaliya- Dev D. [Errr, no comments!]

# WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
It is ; The Happiest Days of Our Life - Pink Floyd. [Yea, that pretty much sums it all up :-P]

# WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
I think ; love to see you cry- Enrique [Ha ha, not exactly!]

# WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS TAG?.
Ah! absolute delight!

Handwriting analysis.

I just came through this. I found it really interesting so decided to post.
http://handwritingwizard.com/analysis.php

And here it is...
ps: i have no clue as to how reliable and true it is!

This personality profile is based on the writing of Surbhi Jain created at the website: Handwriting Wizard.com - Handwriting University's Official automated personality report creator based on standardized basic personality traits as taught through Handwriting University's Certification Level Program.


Surbhi is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Surbhi will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Surbhi an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Surbhi is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Surbhi is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write very large tend to be very social and friendly. It seems Surbhi has this type of writing. This indicates a need for people and a particular natural ability to socialize and be the life of the party. Now, if Surbhi also has specific fears (like fear of criticism or fear of trust) then she will deny she is the life of the party, because fear has overcome her natural inclination to be social. People with large handwriting tend to be effective at anything that requires interaction with lots of people. she is a people person.

Surbhi will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Surbhi believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.

Surbhi is talkative. She enjoys talking and socializing. She may talk when there is absolutely nothing important to say. She enjoys speaking.

Because Surbhi has zigzagged shaped 'm' and 'n' hump, Surbhi is an analytical thinker. Her mind sifts and examines facts. She interprets all facts by separating them, breaking them down, and organizing them from a critical point of view. This pattern of clarifying facts contributes to her strong reasoning ability. Surbhi's mind is constantly analyzing all situations that she encounters.

Surbhi is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Surbhi basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Surbhi is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Surbhi has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Surbhi exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. Surbhi allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. Surbhi has a vivid imagination.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Surbhi has left lots of white space on the left side of the paper. Surbhi fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Surbhi has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Surbhi is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Surbhi would like to leave the past behind and move on.

World is imperfect and so are the people!!

• People sending anonymous requests on orkut saying, “Hey… wanna make me frand??”
• People who show that they care even when they don’t
• People who can bitch 24*7
• People sending testimonials with word art (for ex- A guitar made of hashes and asterisks) to friends.
• People who forward mails saying, “you’ll die if you delete this”
• People who play orkut games and gleefully publish their “high scores”
• People who mull over their life story even in the first meeting with someone!
• People who take their “aim cats” so easily that they can go and have their meals in between.
• People in the metro who cannot use their ear plugs and play “their kind” of music for everybody to listen!
• People who lose their identities just to be someone. I mean “wanna be”!!
• People who cannot talk about anything but themselves!!
• People who are hard core attention seekers!!
• People who say, “Kuch nahi aata yaar” just before the exams and score highest in the class.
• People who put Katrina kaif in their dp at their profiles

and the list goes on and on...