Blah

I feel

unimaginative

Exhausted

Hitch in the brain

and exploited.

 

creativity’s sayonara

credibly steered to

some other 

locale

I  feel corny

fatigued

destitute of

any good ideas

or sensibilities

no self-contemplation

or extroversion

I feel groggy

while my body is active

my head put

to rest

calms itself into

a dream-like state

I feel uninspired

old hat

fatigued (did I say that again?)

draggy

No more

 excited

by anything around

I feel numb

bland

and bored

I feel dispirited

I’m just feeling

blah.

 

Life's Beauty Revealed

A wood pecker on a tree;

A spider’s web; a humming bee;

Flocks of birds surging high;

How the seasons say good-bye;

The rising sun in the east,

How eagle snaffles its feast;

The full moon when slowly wanes,

The smell of the earth when it rains;

Stars that shine all through the dark ;

Snails crawling around in a park ;

A kitty’s whir; a sparrow’s chirp;

Ever heard the mice slurp?

Butterflies wooing the flowers;

Cows jawing the wad for hours;

The whickering of a grazing horse;

Walls covered by a carpet of moss;

An ant stocking a grain of wheat,

Droplets sparkling like little beads;

Water that makes its own course;

A rabbit jerking its pink nose;

Wind blowing away the pollen;

Ever noticed the rabbit warren?

Man walks on the road of strife,

For him, work is life!

But stay for a moment to look around

the treasure of beauty… Oh! See around!

And you’ll cherish these moments for a long time,

These gifts of nature are the prime.

The work may be devastatingly absorbing,

But, these are the things that make our lives worth living!

My perspective

Although it may seem, a lot of times, that there is nothing new to add to something,  I think each of us bring a new perspective, new persuasion, new theme from a unique viewpoint.

I’ve wondered many times why anyone would want to read what I have to say – after all, it’s all been catalogued before by someone more learned, someone who’s proficient on the topic or has researched similar topic in depth, someone who has more wisdom and experience. And all this “better” content is reachable to anyone who wants to Google it.

So, why then, do readers visit this blog? Why do I spend my time and energy writing whatever comes to my mind? And I have reached the conclusion that it’s because I have something meaningful to add. Maybe the central idea has already been presented before, but I bring in my unique perspective.

The person I am today is a sum total of my experiences and that started from my birth itself. If I wasn’t born to middle-class parents; if I wasn’t their pampered child; if they hadn’t sent me to one of the best schools in the city; if I wasn’t encouraged and supported to believe in myself – the scenarios are endless. Every step of this way, I have had experiences, got opportunities, formed relationships that helped me evolve as an individual and shape a certain vantage point. That is what I share with you.

I, therefore, have something to add to what has already been said.

My own words “matter” because they’re pertinent, they present a different take that is mine, and a lot of “average” people can relate with them.
These aren’t just echoes in a shriveling chamber — this is my original voice in a fast-expanding, interconnected, heterogeneous online world.
I have a story to tell that no one, other than me, can tell.

Hyderabad Calling...

And I am answering the call.

I never thought I would feel this way. Rounds and rounds of shopping done, lists made, planned and re-planned everything, empty shelves, bags packed,  clean room and my heart - filled with vacuum.

Amusingly, Most my bags are filled with "Blue" color. I don't know why I choose that color each time I shop. When someone asks me for my favorite color, I say "Black" or even "White" or "depends" but still I choose blue when given a choice!
And right now, I am Blue!

Cried like a baby when my mother talked about being an independent girl and taking care of myself in Hyderabad. I always wanted this life but my empty room makes me feel so depressed. Writing this post is another atrocious experience.

All final preparations have been done, Last calls from best friends and last messages from cousins have been wrapped up. But how should I wrap up this empty feeling?

Like I am running away from my responsibilities, Like I am losing something very near to me, Like I am being self centered and pursuing my dreams on cost of my duties. Duties of being my parent's kid, of being a friend, of being there for people who have always been there for me, of being a shoulder to cry on when mum had something to share!!
I love my mom, grandmother, my dad n even "my brother"!!

Why can't I stay at home? Why am I so aspirational?  Why can't I make a future in the city where I was born? Why am I doing this.... to myself and my near ones? Why is it so important to constantly keep running?

Anyways, my priorities are set, the choices are made, and I made them.
My parents supported me through out with this and I just can't thank them enough for believing me and my dreams. My mom has always been my support system and somewhere I want to live upto her expectations , thus the chase... thus the burning desire to be the best! I don't know how crucial this move is in to shape my future, how much I will be able 2 achieve out of it, how much worth it is of all the sacrifice..

All I know is, its now or never.
And I don't want to regret later for the choices I made.
Its not easy, well nothing is!
And I am going to give it my best shot.

So, adios to everyone! I may be busy there but gimme a call whenever you want to! I'll always be there!
Love You Guys!!

P.S: I'll especially miss you: Neha ! the long conversations on phone, the shopping, the coffee n the couches, your advice, n everything!!  I'll miss them all! Please stay in touch!! Love you...

Who cares?!

This morning, a woman in a blue Ford suddenly came in the lane of black punto. He shifted his lane to avoid the crash and came into bicycler's lane. Thankfully, there wasnt any bicycler there! Otherwise, he would have died.

And then, lots of tooting followed. 

When I saw the lady in the blue car, I noticed that she was on the phone and also, with "HT Food guide" on her steering wheel and it looked like that she doesn't know where she was going. The guy in the black car consequently rolled down his window and started abusing . 

It wasn't a new thing to see in a place like Delhi, but the reason that I write about this today is precisely that — it has become commonplace.

During my daily commute, I see drivers blaring, showing the middle finger, changing lanes perilously and running over people walking.

And then there are people who keep messaging, attending calls, applying kajal and lip gloss, watching a DVD (yes, I’ve seen that!!), reading the newspaper, painting their nails, eating and turning around to feed their babies at the back — these are the people who are the reason for such disorder. We have the laws to ensure that such things dont happen. But who cares?

It amazes me to see how people forget that they are not only responsible for their families travelling with them but also everyone else whose travelling on road.

And it’s not until they meet an accident that they realize such deportment. But isn't it too late then?

What do they gain from those extra ten seconds? How do they agree to put their lives in danger just to make in that green signal? How can they be so uncivil, so unkind? Why can’t they stop somewhere to finish their lunch and then move on — all it will take is five minutes! Can’t that lip gloss be postponed till they reach the parking lot of wherever they are headed? Can’t they tell the person on the phone to call back later? 

As per WHO, it’s estimated that 1.2 million people die on world’s roads every year and about 50 million are injured. The road safety record of India is abysmal - every year, more than 1,00,000 lives are lost in road accidents. In addition, this also results in disruption and huge economic, social losses. 

I cant find any explanation for such utter disregard of life, but I hope some of you reading this will recognize this as an opportunity to amend your ways and ask those unsafe drivers in your life to amend theirs..

Is Indian Media - Misusing Its Freedom?

This post is my entry for the Blogadda contest on the topic "Is Indian Media - Misusing Its Freedom?"
In association with Pringoo - 


http://www.pringoo.com/custom-designs/Soccer~South~A-Soccer/did-25999/mid-1/ppid-496


News? It’s such a jape these days.

There was a time when media was very influential and enhanced critical thinking and analysis for general public. It was the time when reporters did serious journalism and brought up "issues of significance".

It was the time when the badges of journalist were worn with pride.

But now, with the news channels broadcasting 24/7, they have started broadcasting" anything" their news cycle. Not only has the idea of what constitutes news changed but also the way people look at it changed.

I recently watched Halla Bol, a Hindi movie digging into the connection between news and sensationalism. What they impersonated was very similar to what we’re barraged with in the name of news, day and night.

This morning, I was skipping channels when I again noticed this news on a news channel:


It was regarding the cricketer's Dhoni wedding. It was on for almost 10 days now and I still cant figure out the hoopla! Why am I supposed to know the bride? And details of their vacation together? Why cant reporters get a life!

Is this what we’re reducing “news” to?
Striking visuals and beside the point stories — to entertain but not educate.

Whenever I ask this from an elder, I am told that it is viewer's choice!

Is it?

Is this kind of blunder acceptable instead of the problems that really need to be looked into? Have we given it up to the media for telling us what the news should be?
If not, why don’t we articulate our repulse?

Or, are we viewing TV just for entertainment sake making an assumption that real news can be read in the newspapers too?

Media is supposed to be a reflection of  the society  but is this what we have become? 

Now, don’t go for tweeting this.
It might just show up on a news channel!

Double Bonanza :D

After an year of disappointments, I finally hit it to the nail.
Yes... I got through NIFT Masters of Fashion Management (MFM).
14th June, 2010.... I will always remember this day!
past year was tough! After hell lot of entrances, only "1" success. I was so looking forward to it. I needed it.
This is gonna be a new phase of my life. I will soon be in "Hyderabad" with my best friend. I always wanted this life. Being on my own... struggling through the way... I hope everything goes well from now on!

Talking about the second bonanza, I gotta new laptop! Lenevo U450P.... I loved it. Not only it is awesome but for a laptop. it's pretty sexy! Cant get my hands off it :)

Messy mess!

I have always been berated for having no order i.e. a messy desk, closet and my room!

Here’s how it goes down: 

Mom would threaten to throw all my “junk.” I would clean my desk — organize the shelves, align my text books, hide away my color pens and paintbrushes, throw the scraps of paper lying around and throw away the things that I kept an year ago and never looked back to them again.

Mom would come in a couple of hours and say, “Finally I can see the wood! Why do you have to live like a pig?” All I would do is roll my eyes!

A month later the drama would be repeated.

Why don't I keep my desk clean? 

Because those piles reminded me of all the things to do and all the things I had accomplished. I knew exactly where my things were under that cumulus of magazines, textbooks, notebooks and whatnots! I could pull relevant documents in a second when my desk was in the state of utter confusion.

But parents can't understand. Neither did my friends — always volunteering to help me clean up.The mess that infuriated them, nutrified me. I felt comfortable with the “chaotic display of sheer laziness.” I still do!

I am doubtful whether I would think differently five to ten years down the line!

Facebook Syndrome

What is the first thing you do when you switch on your laptop?

I login to my facebook account!!
 Am i addicted??       
Well, maybe!


I have been on facebook since 4-5 years and I have lived and breathed on Facebook.
From uploading photos and following random people to playing games and “liking” Chocolate Brownies, I have done it all.


There was a time when I would post 3-4 status a day.  From "Surbhi Jain is worried about the results" to "Surbhi Jain is on cloud 9!! woopie...." I shared my life on facebook. And even though it seemed to some of my friends that I had no qualms about sharing “everything” on Facebook, what they didn’t know was that they were part of a selected list that had access to “everything.”.
Yes, You have to have robust privacy settings once you are at a social networking site. 


It sometimes occured to me that why not just e-mail photos to those I wanted to share them with? Because not everyone who was my Facebook friend was in my address book. And everyone was on Facebook! 


While I enjoyed interacting with these folks on the social media platform, I didn’t have their e-mail address or phone numbers stored anywhere. Facebook made it easy for me— it reminded me of birthdays, let me drop them messages, reminded me of the events taking place,  allowed me to chat with them. 


How do I get in touch with them when Facebook dies?

Hidden

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

You love him
He doesn‘t love you back. You need him
He doesn't need you back
He leaves
And all you do is
Wait.

For him to take notice
For him to call you once
Just cling onto all the memories, all the fun times
Force your needs upon him
He suffocates, He quits
And you still don’t stop haunting his lives.

He doesn't wanna make things messy
But does he understand you?
Does he realise
What does he mean to you?
And then realization strikes

And start your desperate attempts to act
like you don’t care..
But the truth remains
Its all hidden there in you.

No matter how many  parties you attend
how many vodka shots you gulp
No matter how much you bitch
You tell yourself that you ‘deserve better’
No matter how much you stare at the screen of your phone
And how many hours you stand at the door
No matter how much you wish with all your heart
That you could hear from him one last time..

He doesn't trace his path back
And you continue your endless directionless wait
Every passing day....

P.S. To every girl who still waits,
Yes, patience is a virtue. But do you deserve being treated like that?

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

The objective of my education....

I am on the verge of completing my B. Com(Hons) degree. Some folks feel proud about me. But I feel awful. This degree is merely a piece of paper. A paper which I cannot even sell it to the local radiwala.
So I decided to reflect back at my past. Because I wanted the reasons. The reasons were obvious. My education system was just wasn't good enough. I was trained to by heart things like a parrot. Even if I tried and went through the concepts, It was always from examination point of view. Maybe we all did the same. The history was too localized only on India(compare this to America where they are taught about teachings of Mahatma Gandhi) at a very young age. Also, what I could see was that the education system does not work on the practical aspects at all! But I will be wrong to blame the system!

No matter what my education system was but I just never questioned it. I just studied gravity, and took it for granted... No matter how many apples or bananas fell from the tree, it didn't affect me. I had an open mind, but no application. Knowledge becomes wisdom only when you use it.

People who have been to IITs and IIMs say to others who haven't been to these premier institutions, you haven't been properly trained. What they teach at an IIT or an IIM is simple, think logically and do the basic things right. Also, They are trained at practical work and actual work situations!
I am no Copernicus to give the world Heliocentrism, but I finally realized without the slightest doubt in my mind that as Robert M. Hutchin puts it,

“The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives.”

Fool

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 9; the ninth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

I have no clue about how things go about in other countries. But in a country like India, you cannot help yourself from being a fool in one way or another. Every place you visit... almost everyone you meet, you will find people codding others very conveniently. Before you make out, you have become a fool yourself! It will be wrong if I say that I have never been into that trap! Yes.... I have been gulled a lot of times.

It is not about being April fool on 1st of April! It’s about being a fool almost every day! As Mark Twain puts it,

“The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year."

No doubt, I have always loved fooling my friends on 1st of April. But it is a different game altogether. And most importantly, it is always for fun! But people in India do it for some serious business!

Yes... They dupe people almost every day! Some do it to earn their living... some for the power... some do it for additional business profits...

Have you ever visited stores like Levis, Reebok, etc at the time of discount sale? No matter what percentage discount they offer to you but have you ever bothered to notice that they always jack up their prices before offering discounts? Obviously, The Company would not bear any loss in terms of unsold inventory at the end of the season. So they jack up their prices, put them into sale and then sell them at the same prices as before! From a business point of view, they might be doing it right! But then, what is the whole point of keeping their stuff for discount sales to lure people into the stores! Yes... people can be easily be duped!

Recall the terror attcks in India. Let us take up the recent German bakery, Pune attack! Just after the attack, the PM announced a relief package of Rs. 2 lacs from the Prime Minister’s National Relief Fund to the next of kin of those killed in the terror attack, and Rs. 1 lacs to those injured. It sounds so good to see that government cares... But the ground reality to this one is that people wait for years for this reimbursement but it never comes! I have no offence against the family members of the affected people. But they are fools if they wait for such reimbursement from the government.

For India, best time to expect anything from government is the time just before elections. You can find all the pending developmental activities picking up pace for some time. But actually, they are the measures to lure people for getting votes. I am sure majority of us vote. But think about it.... Why do you vote? Is it because you actually feel for the government or it because everyone does so? In my opinion, government in a place like India cannot be formed only by the opinion of unbiased people. Political parties entice poor people to vote for them. In return... they even get cash sometimes! So you might be duped by the government itself.

Have you ever seen a tourist travelling through Auto-rickshaws or taxis in India?? They do not know the place and so, the drivers charge almost 5-10 times the fare from them. For a distance of 10 kilometers, when an auto should charge Rs.55 from the traveler, He charges Rs.500. I wonder what will happen to the fares during Commonwealth Games 2010. Tourists become the easiest target for the drivers, shopkeepers, Hotels and even the historical monuments. When an Indian has to pay Rs10 for entering Qutub Minar, a foreigner pays Rs.250. I wonder why?

I have no offences for any company trying to sell their products. Obviously, they need promotion for the product. But some advertisements cross that limit. They build up false notions in the mind of a consumer to build up the sales. Advertisements are meant to depict their product. But sometimes, it misleads consumer and creates the false demand! I have rarely seen advertisements, like Fair & Lovely, Domino pizza, etc; depicting the truth. Yes... Even the big business houses fool people.

I agree that it differs from person to person. A person who has been coaxed by the government may not fall into the trap of discount sales. But then, we are fooled almost every day. As Abraham Lincoln puts it," You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time."

If you still believe that you are befooled only on April Fool’s Day then think again!

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Awaiting Escape....

Those eyes.. eyes of the storming seas,
Your crown of thorns gashes deep through me.
My flaws flow ceaseless, through my brains,
my blood dissolves, breaks up within my veins.

Inhuman.... you clutch my back,
tightening vines around my neck.
Your hollow screams replicate through my soul,
My inaudible cries freezes the night so cold.

I bear your scars... being a woman of shame,
Unable to break out from this cruel unceasing game.
You jab me with ignorance, blistered me with words
Crowning me with disgrace, break me inwards.

Am I despicable for being me,
Unseen, unheard, hoping to be free?
Virago, why do you despise,
Blaming me, cursing me... Why do you chastise?

How do I escape from those burns,
Mangled flesh everywhere I turn?
Why do you press me against the wall,
Bang me in my bones, making me crawl?

My blood spills out like a perpectual stream,
Your hate I resist, unable to scream.
You can see me but not yourself,
You judge me like a swinger, put me on a shelf.

I detest your stand, detest your hate,
Yet you loudly exalt this as my fate!
You stipple my blood on your porcelain skin,
My grief becomes your pride! my declention fires your grin.

You trip me, drown me in the soil,
Snap me, combust me, mock my toil,
Rip me apart, bruise my soul,
While I weepingly await rescue that makes me whole.

Graduate!!

Soon I'll be a graduate...

I am contented but I am not happy!

I never realised that I love my college friends so much!  It seriously feels bad to let them go! Not all of my college days were fun-filled but the third year was "the best". It is just not sinking in…...

10th of March, 2010 was my last day of classes. I did not want to be late for this day. I woke up early and got ready as if it was my first day at college. I could feel butterflies in my stomach! Yes... I never wanted it to end... 

The assignments, 8:40 classes, projects, teachers... They never lured me to come to the college. But there was something that kept me going.  Friends!! They shed tears for me,shout at me,hit me,kick me,kiss me,molest me, make me feel good! I Love them... Love the truly!

So the day being the last day of classes, we celebrated "scribble day" wherein we wrote goodbye messages at each other's t-shirts. Yes.... It hurts! Every message I wrote provoked me to shed some tears. Thankfully, I managed not to cry. The class was full of activity. Everyone was busy saying goodbye, scribbling on t-shirts, singing, dancing and  playing around! No one cared for anything. No classes... No assignments... No pressures!! It was one of those perfect days!

And then came the FAREWELL....
It was touchy! I could feel it ending!! Yes... The end of the college days!! It hurts badly!! I never expected that I would feel so bad!! But I do!! Farewell party was awesome... Everything I could expect for!! And at the end, We were all up on the stage singing to the tunes of Purani jeans! I could feel my goosebumps... That was a moment when I could sense something in my eyes!! Alas! They were tears! I really wanted to shed those but I stopped myself! On a happy note. you guys made my day. Thank you :)

I am always gonna treasure those moments! The shopping... the parties.. the movies... bunking classes... canteen debates and discussions... crazy hugs... short attendance.. pet room... copying assignments... photo sessions.. missed tests... crackpot jokes! I am gonna miss you guys!!

This is the song which will always remind me of you guys...

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25

I keep thinking times will never change

Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year we won't be coming back

No more hanging out cause we're on a different track

And if you got something that you need to say

You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down

These memories are playing like a film without sound

And I keep thinking of that night in June

I didn't know much of love

But it came too soon

And there was me and you

And then we got real blue

Stay at home talking on the telephone

We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared

Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair

And this is how it feels

As we go on

We remember

All the times we

Had together

And as our lives change

Come Whatever

We will still be

Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs

And we make the big money

When we look back now

Will our jokes still be funny?................

Mixed feelings sinking in... I have no clue about our next session of life, But I would be missing a lot of good friends and some real Different Chaps (Lol..)!!

Gone are those Early Mornings...

It's a foggy winter morning
The ones when I cannot imagine waking up at six
And dressing myself into a school uniform.
And yet I did the same
for ten to twelve years

With the sleepy eyes, a heavy head, palavering mum
A hot cup of milk waiting for me
Bag packed by amma and lunch made my mummy
Off to school in those foggy mornings!
O what fun it was! Hoards of students waiting at the bus stand
At six fifteen.. Those frigid mornings, papa standing beside me
making small jokes, pointing a cat here or there,
We dreamt big on those cold mornings, we still do.

And then the bus would come, and I would rush
Leaving him behind and jostling my way in the crowd
Once I am inside, wave him a smile again.
He would always wait a few minutes after I left
Lest I would jump back again for want of change,
Or a forgotten book,
Or with a frown say, 'no mood', I want to go back home
He would wait till he was sure I was safely on my way.

I would have lost my sleep by then.
And then get worried about the books
for forgetting them at home again.
We walked our way from the bus stand to school
and walked the way back, aashish and me.
After that running about the school campus,
I would finally slag up to the class.

Friends would give me a fond smile that said, 'Forgot again!'
I would scutter for a text book
And then Deepali or Nishtha or Garima would slide their text towards me
We would push and thrust the book on our sides and thus would start a game;
And giggle and talk in whispers till teacher said 'ssshhhhh'
Then after the lunch break, we would get rid of those maroon sweaters
Knot those on the shoulder or the waist
Or simply dump them on the bench and gossip about at length...

Gone are those early mornings of rush that I try to get hold of even now
Those were different winters, this is a different cold ...

Just a Phase!!

I wish, I want, I dream,
Life to be in a certain way
And then comes a disappointment
Simply washes all my hopes away...

I fight, think positive, but then I deny
Raise my head; I want to fly
Reach that goal, show the world
My worth, my ability to reach that dream
Seen with open eyes and not on my bed curled

But why do I need to suffer?
Make it more difficult, all of the queer?
More struggle, tears as exam nears
More perseverance, biggest fears..
Just to reach that illusion I saw
As I dream
As I desire
As my bloody need!

Maybe coz God just wants it
to taste it a little more sweet
When I succeed, reach that aim
Not tarnish my dad’s fame
Be that daughter who did not give up
Despite that massive career blow-up..

I guess it’s just a phase
And 5 years later, I would laugh at my craze
To type all emotional turmoil on my blog
When I should just study and slog
But I feel better and you would agree
It helps, makes you feel better, free..

Endless questions...

Suddenly I am asking myself this question because it is that time of my life again.

That time when everybody has to decide what do they really want to do in life, where do they really want to go n blah blah blah.

Why can't I continue to live my life carelessly?
Why do I have to announce to the world what is it that I would like to do for the rest of my life?
Why can't I love one thing today and love another thing tomorrow?
Why do I have to be passionate about some thing today and love it forever and establish myself in one place?
Why do i need to do something for a long time before I start making some real money doing that thing?
Why haven't I found that one thing in life I would always want to hold on to?
How come clarity is an absolutely inexperienced phenomenon in my life?
Why my gameplan never works for me??
Why do I change and so fast?
Should I really go ahead and pursue something else which I think I want to do now?
Do I really want to do what I think I want to do?

Yes I know all the gyan already. You can still bring it on...its nice to see my questions move some people enough to give them the energy to leave me some comments.

Hopes...

To make an attempt we need motivation, Motivation comes from experience, for experience we need to experiment, to experiment we need to innovate, Innovation is a product of thought process and for that, we need to make an attempt. So, we are back to the first one, the circle of trying to attempt. If you are of the opinion that you are the master of this circle, think again; You might just be humoring yourself.

I used to think I am. But, I am not.

Survival needs constant attempt; for which I’m either too de-motivated or simply lost at majority times. At times when I do try,I fail. I then try to muster courage, and try several times, sometimes it gets done, some other times I lose interest and give up. How justified is it, I do not know and honestly, I’ve cannot just stop caring; It almost makes me asexual, non-productive by both feelings and ideas.

To deal with it is tricky for me, to care about it is saddening, to not care about it is the reason for failure. Yes!!

The ‘will’ is missing.

I thought just hanging on would help me figure ways out of it. But that is just waiting... waiting for calamity to strike.. for my inevitable end to set me free. So, I have to deal with it now, but how? That also needs to be self-figured out. It is almost like jumping in the sea with neither swimming skills nor a life-jacket. Sink, float, sink more, float some more; when you try to float, you sink; when you try to sink, you float. Suffocation, Derangement, Disorientation, Losing sanity, losing everything....

 Panic!

And then one breeze comes by and sweeps all despair beyond me, this one is called ‘Hope’, to survive, to clear well, to sail through. In the end, the real world is still two shores away and I am busy building my own fresh new world.

I don't belong here...

It smells a little different here
not like it did when I left
the freshness is no more in the air
Now it is stale, almost suffocating.

Furniture has been moved, I notice
The lock to the main-door has changed,
CAT material and handouts have replaced
the cabinet that held my belongings.

Can't figure out the keys
Neither the switches to fans or lights
There are charts on the wall that did not exist
New frames that I have never seen before.

My room looks familiar though
Nothing has been touched since ten months ago
Still somehow I feel like i'm sleeping on someone else's bed
Hogging on to someone's space.

This someone else is me, I was back then
Carefree, , Thoughtless, Easy, untroubled.
Someone that I have become now
Nomadic, Over-Planned, Measured, Mystery!

Both are strangers to each other.
She belonged, I don't feel the strings attached,
She just spoke, never thought,
I think and sometimes, never speak;
She flew, she wrote, she laughed a lot
She trusted, I don't;
She loved, I won't.

It's almost like I don't belong here;
I hate to admit but I'm jealous of her
Not very long ago, she was me
And now, I am someone I don't want to be...

Kids and Reality TV

Can we please put a stop to "talent" shows for kids. Put an end to all talent shows, yes, but as of now, no kids shows puh-lease.

They are endless in number. Every popular channel and regional channel takes one show to its credit. Theoretically, there is nothing incorrect in looking for children who are talented. But the current format of talent hunt shows makes this exercise deeply reprehensible. Small children, hardly 5-6 years old, breaking down and weeping in the middle of the show, and the camera going into tight close-ups while mournful music plays in the background. Disgusting!

Moreover, the kids are made to live away from family, school, friends. In order to get them "trained"! Why don't people realize that the kid will undergo changes in the future as they grow up, that might not be suitable for an ideal playback singer. The kids don't understand half the things in the concept. They pull nice audience and get decent TRPs yes, but on the cost of what? their childhood? The children taught to beg for the votes that determine their shelf-life; They be told to work on their image, as a public figure, fan-following; Playing with their innocent emotions by teaching them the dirty tricks of the world; Pulling them onto the stage n eliminate them one by one; Torturing them until they break-down. The kids undergoing through all the trauma, why? To live their parents unfulfilled dreams? Or get some big-shot channel producer all the ad money?

The makers of the show surely need some psychologists out there to explain to them the long-lasting images that may remain in the kids conscious. Why not keep all 10-15, make them sing/dance/act/paint/recite/talk in different rounds, and chose the best? [without public voting n other nonsense please]. But this wont get them to cover what TRPs demand... Emotional Melodrama!!

Edit the tried and tested formulas, make more shows. But this is the manipulation of the most unethical kind. And its something we can all do without.