I am one of you

I may be socially impaired
I may not  respond to you
I may not even smile back at you
But I am still one of you

I may not look the same like you

I may think and act differently

I may be lost in my own world

But I am still one of you

I may show unusual gestures
I may have different vocal patterns
You may call me language impaired
But I am still one of you

I may behave abruptly
I may injure myself sometimes
I may act a little insistent
But I am still one of you

I may not be able to concentrate

I may lack interest in things you like

I may typecast behavior frequently

But I am still one of you

I may not become as big as dad
or I may not make my way out
I may even die trying to get up
But I am still one of you

This may be a lifeless life
A flightless existence you may call it
A little attention is all I need
and then I can be one of you...!

Can't we do our bit to help people dealing with autism? Cant we help them finding their ways out?
Help them figure out their wings. They surely will fly!

Blah

I feel

unimaginative

Exhausted

Hitch in the brain

and exploited.

 

creativity’s sayonara

credibly steered to

some other 

locale

I  feel corny

fatigued

destitute of

any good ideas

or sensibilities

no self-contemplation

or extroversion

I feel groggy

while my body is active

my head put

to rest

calms itself into

a dream-like state

I feel uninspired

old hat

fatigued (did I say that again?)

draggy

No more

 excited

by anything around

I feel numb

bland

and bored

I feel dispirited

I’m just feeling

blah.

 

Longing for tomorrow....!

An entire day passed by
in a windstorm of activity.
Projects, phone calls, e-mails,
conversations and IMs.
Non-stop exchange of information.
Reactions. Joyfulness. Emotions.
Call for a pause button deepens .
No respite from the craziness.

As I splatter my face with water
I close my eyes and let my mind wander.
The chirping sparrow reappears.
And flocks of bird surge high

As I scrub my face,
It brushes of the tiredness.
The assignments. The deadlines. The pressure.
Into the passage they sink.
Disappearing like rings of smoke..

I then look at myself.
A streak of red
Brightening the tired kohl eyes.
A tingling smile.
That Today is over.
Tomorrow will be another day.

Wish

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 12; the twelfth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

On a busy day
I stop by the coffee shops
Just for a sip or two
Not that I am addicted to it
But to you…

Each time I sit in coffee shops
My memories of you faded…
They come and they go…

So wonderful….
Oh! How we met...
a cup of coffee
whiff of those arometic beans
with little reason or rhyme
in the corner of the cafe...

Those subtle thoughts
the little words
Smiling, Laughing, Relaxing
Over coffee,
at your favorite little cafe

I didn’t speak
The look on your eyes
expressed your soul
your voice so compelling

Every word you spoke
touched my soul
the tone of your passion
and the way you could pause my thoughts

As the caffeine surges through me
and brings my body to life
I wish you were here…
This time too..

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Hidden

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

You love him
He doesn‘t love you back. You need him
He doesn't need you back
He leaves
And all you do is
Wait.

For him to take notice
For him to call you once
Just cling onto all the memories, all the fun times
Force your needs upon him
He suffocates, He quits
And you still don’t stop haunting his lives.

He doesn't wanna make things messy
But does he understand you?
Does he realise
What does he mean to you?
And then realization strikes

And start your desperate attempts to act
like you don’t care..
But the truth remains
Its all hidden there in you.

No matter how many  parties you attend
how many vodka shots you gulp
No matter how much you bitch
You tell yourself that you ‘deserve better’
No matter how much you stare at the screen of your phone
And how many hours you stand at the door
No matter how much you wish with all your heart
That you could hear from him one last time..

He doesn't trace his path back
And you continue your endless directionless wait
Every passing day....

P.S. To every girl who still waits,
Yes, patience is a virtue. But do you deserve being treated like that?

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

I dont want it to end...

Our last exam happens to be on 24th May and after that, we are done with college!!

*sob sob*

I just received a message from Prerna (a college friend). She wrote something that actually made me cry!
I don't wanna lose it... I want go to college... Gimme three more years of life!!
Hell lot of things going through my mind....
Oh! I feel so nostalgic!

Here goes her message!

24th ko akhiri baar...
Aashia Mathur ki miss cal ayegi,
phir se surbhi late ho jayegi,
or PP par late hone ka ilzam lgayegi,
or motto to sabko wait arayegi,
Deepali Singh jane rohini east ya west se ayegi,
aur Apoorva Bhardwaj phir sabko daant lagayegi....

24th ko....
metro main masti hogi,
Aashia or surbhi metro card dhundati hongi,
lift ka wait karenge
aur rickshaw lene ke liye ladenge....

24th ko....
college k gate pe sweety khadi hogi,
PP ki citi piti gum hogi,
or Yukti Singhal to abhi ghar se hi nikli hogi....

24th ko....
classroom main entry hogi line se,
phir kahenge sab
kab aaoge tum rohini wale time pe,
phir masti, kuch yaadein, kuch hasi,
and bye....

phir ek dusre ko nasihat ki kal time pe aaye...
par 24th ko yeh nasihat nahi de payenge
kyunki 24th ko hum akhiri bar ayenge!

*sob sob*

I am so touched by this... Love you prerna!!
I am gonna miss each part of it !!
Love you guys!

Begging for help....!

While Driving back home...

Waiting on a traffic signal

I heard a knock

and looked out of window

To find a small girl!

Her hair out of place...

Her clothes begrimed
They were all tattered

She was fagged out,
incapacitated eyes...
Hands stretched open,
She pointed towards her tummy...

"Don't give her money!!"
My friend warned
She didn't even care
while I was stunned

I wanted to help
but I stopped myself
To know the sheer reality
of the beggary business

Abducting kids
to earn income
Even cutting out their limbs
to depict helplessness!

Each time I see
A child yearning for a rupee
I see in him
A child longing for escape

An escape from beggary...
to a world where
He can study, eat,
And most importantly,
Live.........!

Slow death to God!

They take God down to the river
They say it a tradition
They get hold of the horns
Land up it's beard
Rip off it's ears
and entomb it into the bank

And one day, sea takes it along....
The "rotten God" to the endless sea
"Free.. Free... Free"
The birds sing around!

People propound it...
Say its water pollution!
But its a slow death....
Death to god....

I wonder their reasoning...
to submerge the idol
to set it free
into the eternal waters!
And as I leave....
Water goes on flowing
The trees keep growing
But with the singing of birds
God's small voice remains stilled
And unheard...

Awaiting Escape....

Those eyes.. eyes of the storming seas,
Your crown of thorns gashes deep through me.
My flaws flow ceaseless, through my brains,
my blood dissolves, breaks up within my veins.

Inhuman.... you clutch my back,
tightening vines around my neck.
Your hollow screams replicate through my soul,
My inaudible cries freezes the night so cold.

I bear your scars... being a woman of shame,
Unable to break out from this cruel unceasing game.
You jab me with ignorance, blistered me with words
Crowning me with disgrace, break me inwards.

Am I despicable for being me,
Unseen, unheard, hoping to be free?
Virago, why do you despise,
Blaming me, cursing me... Why do you chastise?

How do I escape from those burns,
Mangled flesh everywhere I turn?
Why do you press me against the wall,
Bang me in my bones, making me crawl?

My blood spills out like a perpectual stream,
Your hate I resist, unable to scream.
You can see me but not yourself,
You judge me like a swinger, put me on a shelf.

I detest your stand, detest your hate,
Yet you loudly exalt this as my fate!
You stipple my blood on your porcelain skin,
My grief becomes your pride! my declention fires your grin.

You trip me, drown me in the soil,
Snap me, combust me, mock my toil,
Rip me apart, bruise my soul,
While I weepingly await rescue that makes me whole.

Candyman....

Alright everybody come around
The Candy Man is here
Who can take sunrise
Sprinkle it with dew
Cover it with the chocolate
and a miracle or two

The Candy Man
Oh, the Candy Man can
'Cause he mixes it with love
And makes it all so good.

Who can take a rainbow
Wrap it with a sigh
Soak it in the sun
and make it a groovy lemon pie

The Candy Man
Oh! The Candy Man can
'Cause he mixes it with love.
And makesit all so good!

Oh, who can take tomorrow
Dip it in a dream
Sieve the sorrow
and collect up all the cream

The Candy Man
Oh, the Candy Man can
'Cause he mixes it with love
And makes it all so good.

Graduate!!

Soon I'll be a graduate...

I am contented but I am not happy!

I never realised that I love my college friends so much!  It seriously feels bad to let them go! Not all of my college days were fun-filled but the third year was "the best". It is just not sinking in…...

10th of March, 2010 was my last day of classes. I did not want to be late for this day. I woke up early and got ready as if it was my first day at college. I could feel butterflies in my stomach! Yes... I never wanted it to end... 

The assignments, 8:40 classes, projects, teachers... They never lured me to come to the college. But there was something that kept me going.  Friends!! They shed tears for me,shout at me,hit me,kick me,kiss me,molest me, make me feel good! I Love them... Love the truly!

So the day being the last day of classes, we celebrated "scribble day" wherein we wrote goodbye messages at each other's t-shirts. Yes.... It hurts! Every message I wrote provoked me to shed some tears. Thankfully, I managed not to cry. The class was full of activity. Everyone was busy saying goodbye, scribbling on t-shirts, singing, dancing and  playing around! No one cared for anything. No classes... No assignments... No pressures!! It was one of those perfect days!

And then came the FAREWELL....
It was touchy! I could feel it ending!! Yes... The end of the college days!! It hurts badly!! I never expected that I would feel so bad!! But I do!! Farewell party was awesome... Everything I could expect for!! And at the end, We were all up on the stage singing to the tunes of Purani jeans! I could feel my goosebumps... That was a moment when I could sense something in my eyes!! Alas! They were tears! I really wanted to shed those but I stopped myself! On a happy note. you guys made my day. Thank you :)

I am always gonna treasure those moments! The shopping... the parties.. the movies... bunking classes... canteen debates and discussions... crazy hugs... short attendance.. pet room... copying assignments... photo sessions.. missed tests... crackpot jokes! I am gonna miss you guys!!

This is the song which will always remind me of you guys...

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25

I keep thinking times will never change

Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year we won't be coming back

No more hanging out cause we're on a different track

And if you got something that you need to say

You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down

These memories are playing like a film without sound

And I keep thinking of that night in June

I didn't know much of love

But it came too soon

And there was me and you

And then we got real blue

Stay at home talking on the telephone

We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared

Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair

And this is how it feels

As we go on

We remember

All the times we

Had together

And as our lives change

Come Whatever

We will still be

Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs

And we make the big money

When we look back now

Will our jokes still be funny?................

Mixed feelings sinking in... I have no clue about our next session of life, But I would be missing a lot of good friends and some real Different Chaps (Lol..)!!

Gone are those Early Mornings...

It's a foggy winter morning
The ones when I cannot imagine waking up at six
And dressing myself into a school uniform.
And yet I did the same
for ten to twelve years

With the sleepy eyes, a heavy head, palavering mum
A hot cup of milk waiting for me
Bag packed by amma and lunch made my mummy
Off to school in those foggy mornings!
O what fun it was! Hoards of students waiting at the bus stand
At six fifteen.. Those frigid mornings, papa standing beside me
making small jokes, pointing a cat here or there,
We dreamt big on those cold mornings, we still do.

And then the bus would come, and I would rush
Leaving him behind and jostling my way in the crowd
Once I am inside, wave him a smile again.
He would always wait a few minutes after I left
Lest I would jump back again for want of change,
Or a forgotten book,
Or with a frown say, 'no mood', I want to go back home
He would wait till he was sure I was safely on my way.

I would have lost my sleep by then.
And then get worried about the books
for forgetting them at home again.
We walked our way from the bus stand to school
and walked the way back, aashish and me.
After that running about the school campus,
I would finally slag up to the class.

Friends would give me a fond smile that said, 'Forgot again!'
I would scutter for a text book
And then Deepali or Nishtha or Garima would slide their text towards me
We would push and thrust the book on our sides and thus would start a game;
And giggle and talk in whispers till teacher said 'ssshhhhh'
Then after the lunch break, we would get rid of those maroon sweaters
Knot those on the shoulder or the waist
Or simply dump them on the bench and gossip about at length...

Gone are those early mornings of rush that I try to get hold of even now
Those were different winters, this is a different cold ...

Unconditional Love...

It happened a long time ago
When a dove met a crow
She used to coo, he crowed,
And soon they fell in love...

Mr. Crow took her out for dinner
And ordered the best of egg-crunch
Lady Dove gasped in incredulity
On seeing the death of some prospective chicks...

She would have nearly swooned
Had not Mr. Crow fluttered in delirium,
Made her sip some cool raspberry;
And call for a plate of cheese cupcakes.

With a gulp of the cool drink
Lady Dove accepted their odd takes
And while she nibbled on the cupcakes
As Mr. Crow ordered baked shrimp...

It happened a long time ago
That a crow met a dove
She cooed, He used to crow;
They never got out of love....

Just a Phase!!

I wish, I want, I dream,
Life to be in a certain way
And then comes a disappointment
Simply washes all my hopes away...

I fight, think positive, but then I deny
Raise my head; I want to fly
Reach that goal, show the world
My worth, my ability to reach that dream
Seen with open eyes and not on my bed curled

But why do I need to suffer?
Make it more difficult, all of the queer?
More struggle, tears as exam nears
More perseverance, biggest fears..
Just to reach that illusion I saw
As I dream
As I desire
As my bloody need!

Maybe coz God just wants it
to taste it a little more sweet
When I succeed, reach that aim
Not tarnish my dad’s fame
Be that daughter who did not give up
Despite that massive career blow-up..

I guess it’s just a phase
And 5 years later, I would laugh at my craze
To type all emotional turmoil on my blog
When I should just study and slog
But I feel better and you would agree
It helps, makes you feel better, free..

I don't belong here...

It smells a little different here
not like it did when I left
the freshness is no more in the air
Now it is stale, almost suffocating.

Furniture has been moved, I notice
The lock to the main-door has changed,
CAT material and handouts have replaced
the cabinet that held my belongings.

Can't figure out the keys
Neither the switches to fans or lights
There are charts on the wall that did not exist
New frames that I have never seen before.

My room looks familiar though
Nothing has been touched since ten months ago
Still somehow I feel like i'm sleeping on someone else's bed
Hogging on to someone's space.

This someone else is me, I was back then
Carefree, , Thoughtless, Easy, untroubled.
Someone that I have become now
Nomadic, Over-Planned, Measured, Mystery!

Both are strangers to each other.
She belonged, I don't feel the strings attached,
She just spoke, never thought,
I think and sometimes, never speak;
She flew, she wrote, she laughed a lot
She trusted, I don't;
She loved, I won't.

It's almost like I don't belong here;
I hate to admit but I'm jealous of her
Not very long ago, she was me
And now, I am someone I don't want to be...

My 3rd Year at College

Had thought that the year would be chill
Included in it would be all non-academic frill
The start has not been that good
Had more time to vile away, I wish I could

The number of classes are more than last year
Though of  exams, there is less fear
Yet the classes have been strategically staggered
I want all of them to get gathered

So that half my days are fully free
And I can be all up and glee
But the intentions of the administration seem otherwise
3rd year seems smaller brother of 2nd year in disguise

This is when I dont have any of those courses
Which to study, the subject forces
And still I don't understand where my time goes
Just hoping that someone lessens the dose...

I grow cold...

All your words,
Worth their weight in gold.
The times we spent together,
And we grew old.

All those moments where I blindly trusted you,
And closed my eyes.
Thinking that's you in real,
And not some disguise.

All those doubts,
That I put to rest.
Thinking you would give me nothing else,
But only your best.

And you chose to walk away,
Without an inkling of remorse.
Putting my faith to test,
Leaving me clueless in a forest so dense.

I thought you were my sunshine,
To stare the clouds of gloom away.
But you led me to my loss of innocence,
As I grow cold every day.

Lost...

As I stand in the shadows of solitude
Crying tears for all that's lost...
Lost hope still lingers around
Wish I could let it go...

I’ve tried everything I could
I can’t seem to erase the pain
That is clogging my arteries...
That’s stopping me to breathe...

I should stop looking
I should stop trusting
That things will happen when they are meant to
Coz waiting generates anxieties

What if it never comes?
Where shall I place this trust?
Not in myself...
Not again...

I thought I could do this
Thought I could succeed...
But it’s all shattered now...

The worst feeling is that
I have nothing to show
The feelings are there,
But the words refuse to come out...

I want to be alone…
Not even friends
To gather the hope...
To come back to life…

It's You...

I need you to realize
How much I need you in my life
You keep me alive
And i'll always fight for you

Every word I write
I'm always thinking about you
Every song I sing
is with ur face engrossed in my mind

Cuz I love you
And I need you
you are my guiding light
To whats true
thats me and you
forever my heart is in your hands....

Every smile i make
is so true cuz i'm truly happy
Every day i awake
I thank god for giving me you

well i know sometimes
I've made mistakes
I've gone and choose the wrong way
But I need to know

that i'll always love and only need you