Longing for tomorrow....!

An entire day passed by
in a windstorm of activity.
Projects, phone calls, e-mails,
conversations and IMs.
Non-stop exchange of information.
Reactions. Joyfulness. Emotions.
Call for a pause button deepens .
No respite from the craziness.

As I splatter my face with water
I close my eyes and let my mind wander.
The chirping sparrow reappears.
And flocks of bird surge high

As I scrub my face,
It brushes of the tiredness.
The assignments. The deadlines. The pressure.
Into the passage they sink.
Disappearing like rings of smoke..

I then look at myself.
A streak of red
Brightening the tired kohl eyes.
A tingling smile.
That Today is over.
Tomorrow will be another day.

Hidden

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

You love him
He doesn‘t love you back. You need him
He doesn't need you back
He leaves
And all you do is
Wait.

For him to take notice
For him to call you once
Just cling onto all the memories, all the fun times
Force your needs upon him
He suffocates, He quits
And you still don’t stop haunting his lives.

He doesn't wanna make things messy
But does he understand you?
Does he realise
What does he mean to you?
And then realization strikes

And start your desperate attempts to act
like you don’t care..
But the truth remains
Its all hidden there in you.

No matter how many  parties you attend
how many vodka shots you gulp
No matter how much you bitch
You tell yourself that you ‘deserve better’
No matter how much you stare at the screen of your phone
And how many hours you stand at the door
No matter how much you wish with all your heart
That you could hear from him one last time..

He doesn't trace his path back
And you continue your endless directionless wait
Every passing day....

P.S. To every girl who still waits,
Yes, patience is a virtue. But do you deserve being treated like that?

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Awe-Inspiring Performers

This couple is a renowned disabled dancers in China. Both lost their limbs to accidents and were not exempted from pain and despair. I won't bore you with their history but watching their performance brought tears to m eyes. They illustrated the meaning of perseverance through their award-winning dance routine. They somehow seem to be telling life who screwed them, "I am still here and I am doing well. I can certainly do better!" This couple possesses the strength that I don't think anyone is capable of mastering.

Awaiting Escape....

Those eyes.. eyes of the storming seas,
Your crown of thorns gashes deep through me.
My flaws flow ceaseless, through my brains,
my blood dissolves, breaks up within my veins.

Inhuman.... you clutch my back,
tightening vines around my neck.
Your hollow screams replicate through my soul,
My inaudible cries freezes the night so cold.

I bear your scars... being a woman of shame,
Unable to break out from this cruel unceasing game.
You jab me with ignorance, blistered me with words
Crowning me with disgrace, break me inwards.

Am I despicable for being me,
Unseen, unheard, hoping to be free?
Virago, why do you despise,
Blaming me, cursing me... Why do you chastise?

How do I escape from those burns,
Mangled flesh everywhere I turn?
Why do you press me against the wall,
Bang me in my bones, making me crawl?

My blood spills out like a perpectual stream,
Your hate I resist, unable to scream.
You can see me but not yourself,
You judge me like a swinger, put me on a shelf.

I detest your stand, detest your hate,
Yet you loudly exalt this as my fate!
You stipple my blood on your porcelain skin,
My grief becomes your pride! my declention fires your grin.

You trip me, drown me in the soil,
Snap me, combust me, mock my toil,
Rip me apart, bruise my soul,
While I weepingly await rescue that makes me whole.

Just a Phase!!

I wish, I want, I dream,
Life to be in a certain way
And then comes a disappointment
Simply washes all my hopes away...

I fight, think positive, but then I deny
Raise my head; I want to fly
Reach that goal, show the world
My worth, my ability to reach that dream
Seen with open eyes and not on my bed curled

But why do I need to suffer?
Make it more difficult, all of the queer?
More struggle, tears as exam nears
More perseverance, biggest fears..
Just to reach that illusion I saw
As I dream
As I desire
As my bloody need!

Maybe coz God just wants it
to taste it a little more sweet
When I succeed, reach that aim
Not tarnish my dad’s fame
Be that daughter who did not give up
Despite that massive career blow-up..

I guess it’s just a phase
And 5 years later, I would laugh at my craze
To type all emotional turmoil on my blog
When I should just study and slog
But I feel better and you would agree
It helps, makes you feel better, free..

Endless questions...

Suddenly I am asking myself this question because it is that time of my life again.

That time when everybody has to decide what do they really want to do in life, where do they really want to go n blah blah blah.

Why can't I continue to live my life carelessly?
Why do I have to announce to the world what is it that I would like to do for the rest of my life?
Why can't I love one thing today and love another thing tomorrow?
Why do I have to be passionate about some thing today and love it forever and establish myself in one place?
Why do i need to do something for a long time before I start making some real money doing that thing?
Why haven't I found that one thing in life I would always want to hold on to?
How come clarity is an absolutely inexperienced phenomenon in my life?
Why my gameplan never works for me??
Why do I change and so fast?
Should I really go ahead and pursue something else which I think I want to do now?
Do I really want to do what I think I want to do?

Yes I know all the gyan already. You can still bring it on...its nice to see my questions move some people enough to give them the energy to leave me some comments.

Hopes...

To make an attempt we need motivation, Motivation comes from experience, for experience we need to experiment, to experiment we need to innovate, Innovation is a product of thought process and for that, we need to make an attempt. So, we are back to the first one, the circle of trying to attempt. If you are of the opinion that you are the master of this circle, think again; You might just be humoring yourself.

I used to think I am. But, I am not.

Survival needs constant attempt; for which I’m either too de-motivated or simply lost at majority times. At times when I do try,I fail. I then try to muster courage, and try several times, sometimes it gets done, some other times I lose interest and give up. How justified is it, I do not know and honestly, I’ve cannot just stop caring; It almost makes me asexual, non-productive by both feelings and ideas.

To deal with it is tricky for me, to care about it is saddening, to not care about it is the reason for failure. Yes!!

The ‘will’ is missing.

I thought just hanging on would help me figure ways out of it. But that is just waiting... waiting for calamity to strike.. for my inevitable end to set me free. So, I have to deal with it now, but how? That also needs to be self-figured out. It is almost like jumping in the sea with neither swimming skills nor a life-jacket. Sink, float, sink more, float some more; when you try to float, you sink; when you try to sink, you float. Suffocation, Derangement, Disorientation, Losing sanity, losing everything....

 Panic!

And then one breeze comes by and sweeps all despair beyond me, this one is called ‘Hope’, to survive, to clear well, to sail through. In the end, the real world is still two shores away and I am busy building my own fresh new world.

I don't belong here...

It smells a little different here
not like it did when I left
the freshness is no more in the air
Now it is stale, almost suffocating.

Furniture has been moved, I notice
The lock to the main-door has changed,
CAT material and handouts have replaced
the cabinet that held my belongings.

Can't figure out the keys
Neither the switches to fans or lights
There are charts on the wall that did not exist
New frames that I have never seen before.

My room looks familiar though
Nothing has been touched since ten months ago
Still somehow I feel like i'm sleeping on someone else's bed
Hogging on to someone's space.

This someone else is me, I was back then
Carefree, , Thoughtless, Easy, untroubled.
Someone that I have become now
Nomadic, Over-Planned, Measured, Mystery!

Both are strangers to each other.
She belonged, I don't feel the strings attached,
She just spoke, never thought,
I think and sometimes, never speak;
She flew, she wrote, she laughed a lot
She trusted, I don't;
She loved, I won't.

It's almost like I don't belong here;
I hate to admit but I'm jealous of her
Not very long ago, she was me
And now, I am someone I don't want to be...

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Today is a day just like any other. It is no more special than yesterday or tomorrow. No doubt, it’s Valentine's Day! But it's been 2 years when I lost someone I loved. I planned the rest of my life with him and it fell apart right before my eyes on a cold Sunday night.

But this is not a sad story.

This is a happy story.

This guy made me who I am today. Without him I wouldn't be the person that I need to be. I learned so much from him and through our relationship. It was tough and it was hard, but you can't learn from it if it doesn't hurt.

I am thankful for my past. I am thankful for my present. I am thankful for my future.

I say all that to say, after a break up its okay to be mad. It's okay to be angry and it's okay to be hurt. But after all that, be grateful, be thankful and be happy. Take it from one use-to-be heartbroken girl. After it's all said and done, the pain subsides, the memories fade, and there is hope and life still ahead. I just wish someone would have told me it would eventually be this good. It just takes time.
Lots and lots of time.

I encourage you to move on and let it be.
Forgive and forget.
All you can do is try to do it better the next time around and hope for the best.
Guard you heart and keep your standards high.
But "The One" is out there, he's just waiting for the most perfect unexpected time to sweep you off your feet...

I grow cold...

All your words,
Worth their weight in gold.
The times we spent together,
And we grew old.

All those moments where I blindly trusted you,
And closed my eyes.
Thinking that's you in real,
And not some disguise.

All those doubts,
That I put to rest.
Thinking you would give me nothing else,
But only your best.

And you chose to walk away,
Without an inkling of remorse.
Putting my faith to test,
Leaving me clueless in a forest so dense.

I thought you were my sunshine,
To stare the clouds of gloom away.
But you led me to my loss of innocence,
As I grow cold every day.

Shattered hopes...

Life “was” just the perfect. Not that I was in a fantasy land, but I was satisfied with everything I have.

"Always think positive" this must be on the minds of lacs of MBA aspirants!! And the same was true in my case. I just kept thinking positive just to keep me going. A lot of miserable situations came in from time to time. But I never gave up. With every subsequent aimcat, I changed my strategy and tried my best to work upon it. But sometimes, it goes above your head. Life makes it impossible for you to think positive… to go ahead… to succeed!! I wish I could do this… I had never explicitly planned up my life but this was not definitely something that I had thought for!

Today was the day for sibm (pune) calls!! It was supposed to be a big day for me. From my score (86), I didn’t expect a sibm (pune) call! But I could always estimate the calls that I can possibly get! And with the cutoffs as high as 107, it’s all shattered for me! What the hell??!! Cutoffs cannot be that high! It always lingers between 80 and 90! It doesn’t make sense for me to think positive now! No chances of getting into a decent B School… At least not for this year!

It hurts! Badly!! Last 6 months have been tough… Really tough!! Today when I think of it, I regret… why did I even thought of getting into a B School?

With all the hopes shattered and nowhere to go… I wonder what will tomorrow bring for me!! But I really wish it wasn’t that way!!

I wish I could...

A scrumptious pizza... creamy mushroom pasta and garlic breads.... I planned my new year this way!! When you live with your parents, especially in a place like Delhi, you cannot expect a permission from them to go for the parties. So is the case with me. Knowing their answer, I didn’t even ask!! What’s the use??!! Better be at home and have some good food... watch some television... do some facebook stuff... n then doze off!!

I hope I get into MBA this year and enjoy my next new year in the hostel :)

Anyways, Happy new year :)

Miseries of an Indian student!!

I have always been fascinated to see new born babies. And even this time, as soon as I heard of the birth of a baby girl at my neighbor’s place; I went to the hospital to see her. Trust me, she was the cutest ever born on Earth!! I was having a usual conversation with the new mother and I heard her saying," she has to be a bright child. She'll crack GMAT" It actually came off to me as a shock! A baby just born will crack GMAT. I actually stopped for a while and thought," Have I ever thought of cracking GMAT in 20yrs of my life??"

I could now connect myself to the reason of this cutting edge competition in India. I am not saying that competition is bad for India. But the competition has gone beyond the limits. It has now become grueling for the children. Parents want their children to be the best and in the process of being the best, children are losing their childhood, their own self!! On the more, Education system of India enhances this problem.


The education system doesn't believe in practical knowledge, Rather, it works on cramming. Students who cram well can achieve everything they want. I have recently seen 3 Idiots, and I am happy to see that at least someone cares about the issue. Such issues, if discussed in media, can possibly help me making the change.


The movie talks about the engineering students who have been instigated by their parents to be the engineers. They even have to leave their own interests aside to be what their parents wanted them to be. It’s a great movie portraying the pressures of the Indian students. And as always, Aamir Khan was able to convey the social message very clearly.


I seriously believe that if all of it goes like this, Indian student will never be able to pursue their own interests. Instead, they will go on meeting up their parent interests.  We need to change. Not only the parents need to change, but the education system, peer group and everyone who influences the destiny of the Indian student. I know that the change won’t happen in a day. But we can wait.

Wait for the revolution in the Education system!!!

My ReSoLutiOnS 2010 :)

I really mean it this tym:)


* I'll gain WeiGht this year. will hv all the JunK foOd i can. twice a day doesnt do the JoB!!

* WatCh more TV. It's very eDucaTionAl. I'll Catch up on all those ProgGraMs i have missed in last 6   months.

* I think i'm doing my cHoRes a bit on time. so i'll try n start ProCraStiNatinG more.

* I will not BoRe my teachers with the same eXcuSeS for coming late to the cLasSes. I will tHinK of some more ExCuseS.

* I'll get back to all the PeOpLe who were nasty to me last year. FuCk "ForGet and ForGive"

* I'll aTteNd my cOlleGe ReGularLy and RaiSe my AttenDanCe from 30% to 100% ;)

* I'll StoP sLeePinG so much and liMit it to JuSt 10 hrs a DaY!!

* I'll try being MoRe OrgaNiZed anD will tRy and KeeP my StuDy sYsteMatic!!

HAPPY COMMONWEALTH!!

It was 13th November, 2003 in Jamaica; when Commonwealth Games Federation took the decision on the basis of an election process that INDIA will host commonwealth games 2010. It came off as a surprise to the Indians that after 7 years, common wealth will be held in Delhi. Indians knew it very well that we were not ready for this. But we believe in “athithi devo bhava” and so we held our hands together towards making Delhi the best host ever. There were a lot of preparations to be made.


The first agenda was to improve our public transportation system. And as we can see, metro came to us as a surprise. Nobody could expect metro running through almost all parts of Delhi (even places like chandni chowk!!). Metro helped people with convenience and so a lot of people preferred commuting daily to their offices, etc by metro. But the volume of people travelling through metro is enormous. Less availability of the trains is making the situation even worse. New projects coming up in gurgaon, airport, etc cannot start until we have adequate supply of the trains to meet the need.

Even the BRT corridors, made in order to provide buses proper routes to travel, remained to be of no use. They instead gave rise to traffic jams in that area. Several flyovers are under construction. Construction of these flyovers has made those areas more prone to traffic. In short, all efforts to control traffic in Delhi go unnoticed. I have serious apprehensions as to whether the flyovers will be done before 2010 commonwealth.

No offences to the government who is working hard towards being a good host but what I fear is that the budget of the 2010 Delhi Commonwealth Games has touched Rs.5165 crores ($11.53 billion). And these 5165 crores won’t come from anywhere but the public. so judicious use of the funds should be the priority.

But to look at the bright side; In spite of several problems lingering around, Delhi looks great and ready to go!! With the metro, new flyovers coming up, wider roads, welcoming people; green Delhi would definitely leave a mark behind on the time stamp.

HAPPY COMMONWEALTH!!