Hopes...

To make an attempt we need motivation, Motivation comes from experience, for experience we need to experiment, to experiment we need to innovate, Innovation is a product of thought process and for that, we need to make an attempt. So, we are back to the first one, the circle of trying to attempt. If you are of the opinion that you are the master of this circle, think again; You might just be humoring yourself.

I used to think I am. But, I am not.

Survival needs constant attempt; for which I’m either too de-motivated or simply lost at majority times. At times when I do try,I fail. I then try to muster courage, and try several times, sometimes it gets done, some other times I lose interest and give up. How justified is it, I do not know and honestly, I’ve cannot just stop caring; It almost makes me asexual, non-productive by both feelings and ideas.

To deal with it is tricky for me, to care about it is saddening, to not care about it is the reason for failure. Yes!!

The ‘will’ is missing.

I thought just hanging on would help me figure ways out of it. But that is just waiting... waiting for calamity to strike.. for my inevitable end to set me free. So, I have to deal with it now, but how? That also needs to be self-figured out. It is almost like jumping in the sea with neither swimming skills nor a life-jacket. Sink, float, sink more, float some more; when you try to float, you sink; when you try to sink, you float. Suffocation, Derangement, Disorientation, Losing sanity, losing everything....

 Panic!

And then one breeze comes by and sweeps all despair beyond me, this one is called ‘Hope’, to survive, to clear well, to sail through. In the end, the real world is still two shores away and I am busy building my own fresh new world.