Gone are those Early Mornings...

It's a foggy winter morning
The ones when I cannot imagine waking up at six
And dressing myself into a school uniform.
And yet I did the same
for ten to twelve years

With the sleepy eyes, a heavy head, palavering mum
A hot cup of milk waiting for me
Bag packed by amma and lunch made my mummy
Off to school in those foggy mornings!
O what fun it was! Hoards of students waiting at the bus stand
At six fifteen.. Those frigid mornings, papa standing beside me
making small jokes, pointing a cat here or there,
We dreamt big on those cold mornings, we still do.

And then the bus would come, and I would rush
Leaving him behind and jostling my way in the crowd
Once I am inside, wave him a smile again.
He would always wait a few minutes after I left
Lest I would jump back again for want of change,
Or a forgotten book,
Or with a frown say, 'no mood', I want to go back home
He would wait till he was sure I was safely on my way.

I would have lost my sleep by then.
And then get worried about the books
for forgetting them at home again.
We walked our way from the bus stand to school
and walked the way back, aashish and me.
After that running about the school campus,
I would finally slag up to the class.

Friends would give me a fond smile that said, 'Forgot again!'
I would scutter for a text book
And then Deepali or Nishtha or Garima would slide their text towards me
We would push and thrust the book on our sides and thus would start a game;
And giggle and talk in whispers till teacher said 'ssshhhhh'
Then after the lunch break, we would get rid of those maroon sweaters
Knot those on the shoulder or the waist
Or simply dump them on the bench and gossip about at length...

Gone are those early mornings of rush that I try to get hold of even now
Those were different winters, this is a different cold ...

Unconditional Love...

It happened a long time ago
When a dove met a crow
She used to coo, he crowed,
And soon they fell in love...

Mr. Crow took her out for dinner
And ordered the best of egg-crunch
Lady Dove gasped in incredulity
On seeing the death of some prospective chicks...

She would have nearly swooned
Had not Mr. Crow fluttered in delirium,
Made her sip some cool raspberry;
And call for a plate of cheese cupcakes.

With a gulp of the cool drink
Lady Dove accepted their odd takes
And while she nibbled on the cupcakes
As Mr. Crow ordered baked shrimp...

It happened a long time ago
That a crow met a dove
She cooed, He used to crow;
They never got out of love....

IPL is Here!!

I am not much of a cricket fan but the "glamourous IPL" fascinates me! And finally, IPL is here! The format of IPL is just too alluring to resist! So I make sure that I stick to television screen all through IPL season and be updated with every minute detail about IPL.

I always look for opening of such big tournaments. Be it Olympics, Commonwealth Games, World Cup Cricket or IPL. But today, IPL's opening was much of a disappointment. I still remember IPL Season-1's opening! It was such a spectacular event to watch out for. The acrobats, the laser show, the performers... They were awe-inspiring. I never expected such an opening from a place like India. No offences for India! But from a country with limited resources, One cannot expect an opening which can match itself with the standards of other big tournaments like Olympics. But IPL season-1 came off as a surprise to me. Kudos to Vijay Mallya and Lalit Modi!

But what happened this time??  I tuned in to "SetMax" sharp at 6pm. The opening started at 7pm. But my wait was not at all worth it! The opening was much of an award function. The ground had a stage in the middle. There were awesome performances by people like Ali Campbell, Deepika padukone, Bjorn and Pop legend Lionel Richie. But, the event did not look like opening of IPL! There were no acrobat shows, less of laser show, less of demonstrations... I could seriously sense the feel of award functions at the opening!

After the dissatisfactory opening event,  I was in for Kolkata Knight Riders! I support them whole heartedly(Partially because Shahrukh Khan is the owner). I am watching out for the match " Kolkata Knight Riders Vs Deccan Chargers". I hope they win today and even IPL season-3 :)

Korbo Lorbo Jeetbo Re!!

A splendiferous dream...

... and there he was. He slid next to me on the couch, wrap his arm around my waist and hugged me in an embrace. I could smell the whiff of his scent, a mix of sweat and cologne. It was so real I gasped, giggled and woke up.

A strange but beautiful dream. I want to go back to sleep now...

Just a Phase!!

I wish, I want, I dream,
Life to be in a certain way
And then comes a disappointment
Simply washes all my hopes away...

I fight, think positive, but then I deny
Raise my head; I want to fly
Reach that goal, show the world
My worth, my ability to reach that dream
Seen with open eyes and not on my bed curled

But why do I need to suffer?
Make it more difficult, all of the queer?
More struggle, tears as exam nears
More perseverance, biggest fears..
Just to reach that illusion I saw
As I dream
As I desire
As my bloody need!

Maybe coz God just wants it
to taste it a little more sweet
When I succeed, reach that aim
Not tarnish my dad’s fame
Be that daughter who did not give up
Despite that massive career blow-up..

I guess it’s just a phase
And 5 years later, I would laugh at my craze
To type all emotional turmoil on my blog
When I should just study and slog
But I feel better and you would agree
It helps, makes you feel better, free..

Endless questions...

Suddenly I am asking myself this question because it is that time of my life again.

That time when everybody has to decide what do they really want to do in life, where do they really want to go n blah blah blah.

Why can't I continue to live my life carelessly?
Why do I have to announce to the world what is it that I would like to do for the rest of my life?
Why can't I love one thing today and love another thing tomorrow?
Why do I have to be passionate about some thing today and love it forever and establish myself in one place?
Why do i need to do something for a long time before I start making some real money doing that thing?
Why haven't I found that one thing in life I would always want to hold on to?
How come clarity is an absolutely inexperienced phenomenon in my life?
Why my gameplan never works for me??
Why do I change and so fast?
Should I really go ahead and pursue something else which I think I want to do now?
Do I really want to do what I think I want to do?

Yes I know all the gyan already. You can still bring it on...its nice to see my questions move some people enough to give them the energy to leave me some comments.

Hopes...

To make an attempt we need motivation, Motivation comes from experience, for experience we need to experiment, to experiment we need to innovate, Innovation is a product of thought process and for that, we need to make an attempt. So, we are back to the first one, the circle of trying to attempt. If you are of the opinion that you are the master of this circle, think again; You might just be humoring yourself.

I used to think I am. But, I am not.

Survival needs constant attempt; for which I’m either too de-motivated or simply lost at majority times. At times when I do try,I fail. I then try to muster courage, and try several times, sometimes it gets done, some other times I lose interest and give up. How justified is it, I do not know and honestly, I’ve cannot just stop caring; It almost makes me asexual, non-productive by both feelings and ideas.

To deal with it is tricky for me, to care about it is saddening, to not care about it is the reason for failure. Yes!!

The ‘will’ is missing.

I thought just hanging on would help me figure ways out of it. But that is just waiting... waiting for calamity to strike.. for my inevitable end to set me free. So, I have to deal with it now, but how? That also needs to be self-figured out. It is almost like jumping in the sea with neither swimming skills nor a life-jacket. Sink, float, sink more, float some more; when you try to float, you sink; when you try to sink, you float. Suffocation, Derangement, Disorientation, Losing sanity, losing everything....

 Panic!

And then one breeze comes by and sweeps all despair beyond me, this one is called ‘Hope’, to survive, to clear well, to sail through. In the end, the real world is still two shores away and I am busy building my own fresh new world.

I don't belong here...

It smells a little different here
not like it did when I left
the freshness is no more in the air
Now it is stale, almost suffocating.

Furniture has been moved, I notice
The lock to the main-door has changed,
CAT material and handouts have replaced
the cabinet that held my belongings.

Can't figure out the keys
Neither the switches to fans or lights
There are charts on the wall that did not exist
New frames that I have never seen before.

My room looks familiar though
Nothing has been touched since ten months ago
Still somehow I feel like i'm sleeping on someone else's bed
Hogging on to someone's space.

This someone else is me, I was back then
Carefree, , Thoughtless, Easy, untroubled.
Someone that I have become now
Nomadic, Over-Planned, Measured, Mystery!

Both are strangers to each other.
She belonged, I don't feel the strings attached,
She just spoke, never thought,
I think and sometimes, never speak;
She flew, she wrote, she laughed a lot
She trusted, I don't;
She loved, I won't.

It's almost like I don't belong here;
I hate to admit but I'm jealous of her
Not very long ago, she was me
And now, I am someone I don't want to be...